巨流集 2025 The Boundless Great Torrent 2025 第 08 篇 Section 08
七月 今天起，淡淡地生活 July: Living Lightly from This Day On
返回 巨流集 2025 Back to The Boundless Great Torrent 2025自从进入毕业季，总是有一种说不明白道不清的感觉，窗外的毕业生的丰收硕果诱惑着我，又好似羞辱着我。直到今天，我突然明白，是因为我太孤单了。我需要陪伴，我需要拥抱，我需要有人在我身边，我不想一个人；我需要说话，我需要休息，我可能也需要一个非常长的假期。
Ever since entering graduation season, an indescribable feeling has hovered over me: the bountiful harvests of graduates outside my window both tempt me and seem to mock me. Until today, it suddenly struck me: it is simply because I am far too lonely. I need companionship, I need an embrace, I need someone beside me; I do not want to be alone. I need to talk, I need to rest, and perhaps I need an extraordinarily long vacation.
回忆里，大一的时候潜入玲珑学堂观看G学姐表演的我仍带着对大二生活的向往，去年我和b学姐的告别依旧刻骨铭心，又一年跳蚤市场与毕业典礼便在六月如约而至。21届的学长学姐多少昂然、多少落寞？我不知道。我只知道贫穷才会在意评价，我还是应该尽可能去做好自己想做的事情，成为想成为的人。
In my memory, slipping into Linglong Hall during freshman year to watch Senior Sister G perform was filled with yearning for sophomore life; last year, my parting with Senior Sister B remains etched into my bones; and now another flea market and commencement ceremony have arrived on schedule in June. How many of the seniors in the 2021 entry cohort walked proudly, and how many departed despondently? I do not know. I only know that poverty makes one fixate on outside evaluation; I should still strive to accomplish what I truly want to do, and become the person I want to become.
本科最后一节专业课在荒唐中猝然而止，错愕间瞥见楼梯转角黄领毕业生携女友拍摄毕业照，学长的自豪笑容将我拽入了回忆的深渊：去年此时的我为b学姐流下了大学唯一一次感情的泪水，谁知道一年后的今日，那个告别之吻仍是我至今的最后一吻，百转忸怩。明知会重蹈覆辙的我，追忆过去的点点时光，被感情折腾得精疲力尽之后，终于选择暂时转移注意力。
The final specialized course of my undergraduate years came to an abrupt, absurd halt. In my astonishment, glancing at the staircase landing, I saw a graduate in a yellow-collared hood posing with his girlfriend for graduation photos. His proud smile dragged me headlong into an abyss of memories: this time last year, I shed the only romantic tears of my college career for Senior Sister B. Who could have known that a year later, that farewell kiss remains the last kiss of my life to date, fraught with endless twists and hesitations. Knowing full well that I would repeat past mistakes, reminiscing over fragments of bygone days and thoroughly exhausted by emotional turmoil, I finally chose to temporarily divert my attention.
在大三这个似乎不该对恋爱有所期盼的时候，我却热切呼唤着亲密关系的到来。这并不是真正传统意义上的”想结婚”，只是突然深刻地意识到：即使20代的我再如何激烈地、大刀阔斧地斩断任何亲密关系，为了世俗意义上的成功，未来某一天，我觉得还是会向激素妥协的。因为这是人类最最深处的本能情感需求，我不必抵触它、抨击它，甚至否定它、逃避它，因为那也是在否定我自己，否定我拥有过好自己的人生的能力。我唯一的希望是：那一天，我不必将就地做出选择。
In my junior year, at a time when one presumably shouldn’t harbor expectations for romance, I found myself ardently longing for intimacy. This is not “wanting to marry” in the traditional sense; rather, it is the sudden, profound realization that no matter how fiercely or ruthlessly I severed all intimacy in my twenties for the sake of worldly success, one day in the future, I will likely surrender to hormones after all. For this is the deepest instinctual emotional need of humanity. I need not resist it, attack it, deny it, or evade it—for doing so would be denying myself, and denying my capacity to live my own life well. My only hope is that when that day arrives, I will not have to settle for a compromise.
两年半后，心态终于从“一切都无所谓”开始转变，抓紧去感知、去体验、去创造！希望我可以一直践行。如果暂且不能构成影响，那就先服务自己。如果没有能力让语言陌生到足够成就文学，那便让它平和到能够满足生活。从今天开始，决定淡淡地生活。
Two and a half years later, my mentality has finally shifted away from “nothing matters at all”—seize the moment to perceive, to experience, to create! I hope I can continue practicing this. If I cannot yet exert an influence on the world, then let me serve myself first. If I lack the talent to defamiliarize language enough to forge literature, then let it be gentle and peaceful enough to sustain everyday life. From this day on, I decide to live lightly.