光阴集 2024 The Gilded Years 2024 第 06 篇 Section 06
六月 毕业与失恋的浓重情绪两篇 June: Two Heavy Pieces on Graduation and Heartbreak
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上篇 哀酒肉情侣 Part One: Lament for Fair-Weather Lovers
我哭了，嗯。 曾年少的我，不明白泪水的真正意义是：分别。每次哭泣，都是身体促使我放下一些东西，无论如何，以一个更轻松的姿态出发。
I wept. Yes. In my younger years, I failed to grasp the true meaning of tears: parting. Every bout of crying is the body compelling me to let go of certain burdens, so that, whatever happens, I can set off with a lighter step.
高三成人礼时，我抬头望月，瞥见那亘古不变的月色洒下点点月华，但月下之人已变。 也许我苦苦寻找的，不过是自己内心的一份安宁，一份对优异成绩的热切渴望。
At the coming-of-age ceremony in my final year of senior high school, I looked up at the moon and glimpsed its unchanging glow scattering flecks of moonlight, but the people beneath it had changed. Perhaps what I had been searching so hard for was no more than some peace within myself, and an eager longing for excellent grades.
老舍说：“人是为明天活着的，因为记忆中有朝阳晓露。” 其实一切种种情况明明都是我自己造成的，却为什么总要用眼泪掩饰过去？
Lao She once wrote: “Man lives for tomorrow, because in his memory dwell the morning sun and early dew.” In truth, all these predicaments were entirely of my own making; why, then, must I perpetually veil them behind tears?
从根本上来讲，我们都太过于关注自己，以及自己在对方眼里的样子，谁也不愿意放下身段，进入到对方的世界，看看他真实的样子，只一门心思希望自己被看见、被理解、被回应，这实际是一种很自我的心理。 很多酒肉情侣都是表面恩爱，周末一起玩个密室逃脱，看个电影，平时也互相老公老婆地叫着，开心确实是很开心，可真要面对点什么事儿，解决点什么冲突，谁也不愿意静下来听听对方的真心话，更不要说牺牲自己的一部分利益保全这段关系。
Fundamentally speaking, we are all far too self-absorbed and excessively fixated on our reflection in the other’s eyes. Neither party is willing to step off their pedestal, enter the partner’s inner realm, and perceive who they truly are. Instead, each is consumed only with being seen, being understood, and being responded to—a very self-centered state of mind. Many fair-weather couples maintain only the facade of affection: heading to escape rooms on weekends, catching a movie, casually trading pet names like “hubby” and “wifey.” When things are fun, they are indeed delightful; but when something actually needs to be faced, or a conflict demands resolution, neither is willing to sit down quietly and listen to the partner’s raw truth, let alone sacrifice a fraction of self-interest to preserve the union.
感情观无法统一，接收和表达难以同频，都有自己的小算盘，都只关注自己的难处，都没有底气能谈出个结果，自然也就懒得花心思去磨合，这才是恋爱搭子“没有话说”背后最致命的问题。
Their views of relationships cannot align; it is difficult to be in sync in receiving and expressing feelings; each harbors private calculations; each fixates solely on personal hardships; neither possesses the conviction that a lasting future can be forged. Naturally, neither bothers investing the effort to bridge the divide. That is the fatal rot lurking beneath romantic companions who “run out of things to say.”
说句实话，两个人在一起，除了初期需要互相探索了解外，哪来那么多话可讲，不过是在长久相伴中，没有被否定、指责、冷暴力过，所以愿意毫无保留打开自己，去说一些本不必要说的“废话”，去做一些本可以不做的“无聊事”。 这些“废话”和“无聊事”，建立在彼此接纳、信任、偏爱的基础上，充满着治愈的力量，使得我们看见对方的存在，拥抱他成为自己的一部分，面对乏味枯燥的日子，和看似毫无共性的生活习惯，也能生出无限乐趣。
Truth be told, once two people are together beyond the initial phase of mutual curiosity, how could there possibly be so much to talk about? What sustains them over long companionship is simply the absence of rejection, blame, or cold violence, which leaves them willing to open up without reservation—to utter “useless chatter” that needn’t be said, and engage in “silly pastimes” that needn’t be pursued. Such chatter and pastimes, erected upon a bedrock of mutual acceptance, trust, and partiality, are imbued with profound healing power. They allow us to truly behold the other’s presence and fold them into our very self, so that even in the face of drab routines and seemingly mismatched living habits, boundless delight can spring forth.
于是，爱的真正意义将超越空间和时间，指向人心对美好最核心最深沉的追求，生命的联结。
Thus, the true essence of love transcends space and time, pointing toward the heart’s most primordial, profound yearning: the connection of living souls.
蝴蝶和蜜蜂谁好？鲜花好。我希望在很远的未来，她会在清晨醒来时，对我微微一笑，说一句：“Nice Day，dude！”
Which is better—butterflies or honeybees? Fresh flowers are best. I hope that in the distant future, she will wake up in the morning, smile gently at me, and murmur: “Nice Day, dude!”
下篇 从20级的毕业说开去… Part Two: Thoughts Prompted by the Graduation of the 2020 Entry Cohort…
无名小姐，你知道你的问题在哪吗？你怯懦，你没有勇气，你害怕挺起胸膛说：“是的，生活就是这样了。人们相爱，互相属于对方，因为这是获得真正快乐的唯一机会。”你自称你有一个自由的灵魂，是一个“野东西”，你害怕别人把你关在笼子里，其实你已经身在笼子里了，这是你亲手建起的笼子，不管你在西方还是在东方，它都会一直紧随着你，不管你往哪去，你总受困于自己。——《蒂芙尼的早餐》
“You know what’s wrong with you, Miss Whoever-you-are? You’re chicken, you’ve got no guts. You’re afraid to stick out your chin and say, ‘Okay, life’s a fact, people do fall in love, people do belong to each other, because that’s the only chance anybody’s got for real happiness.’ You call yourself a free spirit, a ‘wild thing,’ and you’re terrified somebody’s gonna stick you in a cage. Well baby, you’re already in that cage. You built it yourself. Whether you are in the West or the East, it will always follow you. Wherever you go, you are always trapped by yourself.” —Breakfast at Tiffany’s
毕业季，是一个能见到许多笑容和泪水的时刻，像是产科病房与ICU一样，充满着人们对重生的恐惧与渴望。
Graduation season is a juncture where countless smiles and tears collide, much like a maternity ward and an intensive care unit—filled with people’s fear of and longing for rebirth.
有位女生说，她恐惧毕业。我刚开始大惑不解，现在将毕业与死亡挂钩，便得出来下列的结论：人对死亡的恐惧程度跟他人生的虚度紧密相关。你越是不曾真正的活过，对死亡的恐惧也就越强烈；你越不能充分的体验生活，也就越害怕死。
A girl once admitted that she was terrified of graduating. At first, I was thoroughly bewildered, but linking graduation to mortality yields this insight: a person’s dread of death is intimately bound to how thoroughly their life has been squandered. The less you have genuinely lived, the more ferocious your terror of death; the less fully you experience life, the more you fear its end.
在她的相册里留下的照片都是轻松愉快的，在葱茏的树叶和成片的樱桃里，有风的踪迹和阳光的剪影。但是、但是，尽管没有向朋友倾吐，尽管没有落在笔下，但她真切地记得，在深夜反刍时想起的中学时“潮湿而晦暗的眼神和被文学过分矫饰的浮夸的爱”，在图书馆因为无法自洽而纠结、嫉妒、困惑。她依旧困惑于许多，但她早已没有时间了。
The photographs preserved in her albums were uniformly lighthearted and joyous: amid verdant foliage and clusters of cherries lay the traces of the wind and silhouettes of sunshine. Yet—despite never confessing it to friends or committing it to paper—she vividly remembered the “damp, murky gaze and pretentious, literature-embellished love” of middle school revisited during late-night ruminations; she remembered wrestling with envy, disorientation, and an inability to reconcile with herself in the library. She remained baffled by so much, yet she had already run out of time.
每一个陷入生命之河的人，都会在自身发现残酷的孤独，而今无穷无尽的坟墓，从她与我永远地一分为二。她遥远得如同在一面镜子里。
Every soul plunged into the river of life discovers a cruel solitude within; now, endless gravestones cleave her world and mine into two forever. She feels as distant as someone in a mirror.
现在我对gap年的渴望变淡了，相反我致力于抓住那些向上走需要的东西，而不是在忧惧中空耗生命。我将要从混乱的微光中醒来，进入澄明而惊奇的领域。我的重量将使我轻盈。
My craving for a gap year has now cooled; instead, I am determined to seize the tools required to climb upward, rather than squandering existence in fear and worry. I shall awake from the chaotic twilight and step into a realm of clarity and wonder. My weight shall make me light.
夜深人静无人问津时，才是我每天唯一审视自己的时候……我虔诚地祈祷啊！愿我活的第二次大三大四，活出比第一次十倍的精彩与十分之一的遗憾！
Only in the dead of night, when no one asks after me, do I conduct my sole daily self-examination… I pray with utmost reverence! May the second junior and senior years I live out be ten times more magnificent, and carry one-tenth of the regret!