一人游 Talk.01 Solo Journey Talk.01 第 03 篇 Section 03
自我与他者 Self and the Other
返回 一人游 Talk.01 Back to Solo Journey Talk.01本文目录 Contents
7、吸引力的真实来源 The Real Source of Attraction
今天被朋友点醒了一件事：女生愿意主动亲近我，根本不是因为我多会照顾人，也不是因为我风趣、有意思—— 归根结底看的是颜值 。而我此前还自以为魅力过人，实在可笑，难怪被哥们取笑。在女生眼里，男生的归宿无非两种：要么成为 闺蜜 ，要么沦为” 下头男 “。
Today a friend woke me from a delusion: when girls initiate closeness with me, it has nothing to do with being attentive, nor with wit or charm—at the end of the day, it is purely physical appearance. That I previously fancied myself uniquely charismatic is laughable; no wonder my buddy mocked me. In many women’s eyes, a male’s destiny bifurcates into only two outcomes: either becoming a platonic bestie, or degenerating into an unattractive nuisance.
哥们进一步指出：我这一套在高中或许行得通，但到了大学——何况已是大二下学期——必须转变思路，往 老成、精英 的方向走；姿态精英一些、高冷一些，等女生主动靠近。
My friend elaborated: this playbook may have sufficed in high school, but in college—especially the spring of sophomore year—one must pivot toward sophisticated, elite gravitas; cultivating an aloof, polished composure, waiting for women to initiate approach.
当下结识 优质男大学生 的途径实在不多。作为一个 i人 ，社交本就艰难，而现实中的渠道无非三条：社团、同班同年级、打比赛 ，此外几乎没有认识新朋友的机会。
Avenues for meeting high-caliber male collegiate peers are exceedingly scarce. As an introvert (MBTI: I), social friction is inherent; offline channels boil down to three avenues: student clubs, classmates within the same cohort, and competitive tournaments; beyond these, opportunities to forge new bonds are nearly nonexistent.
我仍偏好 线下认识 ——线上结识他人总归有些难度。所以向YF酱半开玩笑地提议：下次他线上认识的帅哥奔现时，务必带上我一个，真的很想躺在帅哥怀里。
I still favor offline encounters—meeting people online is difficult after all. Thus I half-jokingly suggested to YF: next time he meets up offline with a handsome guy met online, he must bring me along; I genuinely long to curl up in the arms of a handsome man.
8、关于亲密关系 On Intimate Relationships
人生唯一一次认真表白——指结果不确定的那种，十拿九稳的拿捏不算——发生在三年前的 3 月 13 日。高中时代的那种感觉此后很难再找到；如今正处于学校向社会的转型期，反而更加怀念。
The sole serious romantic confession of my life—meaning one where the outcome was genuinely uncertain, excluding sure-fire maneuvers—occurred three years ago on March 13. That feeling from high school has been difficult to find again; standing on the precipice between campus and society, that memory shines with heightened nostalgia.
大学第二段感情分手之后，我甚至已经失去了谈 relationship 的能力，现在维系的都只是 situationship。自我诊断的话，大概算是有点情感上的异食癖，天生抖 M 体质。
Following the collapse of my second collegiate romance, I seem to have lost the capacity for formal relationships, sustaining merely situationships. If I were to diagnose myself, perhaps it would count as a little emotional pica and an innate masochistic disposition.
两点经验：其一，大一尚有谈纯爱的窗口，两年之后观念便会彻底改变；其二，不建议跨年级恋爱——我前女友与其前任即是例证：五年间只有一年身处同一个国家，一方出国时另一方还在山威，等后者出国，前者又已回国，人生阶段完全错位。
Two experiential takeaways: First, freshman year still offers a window for pure love; two years later, one’s ideas change completely. Second, inter-cohort romance across different academic years is ill-advised—my ex-girlfriend and her former partner are textbook proof: across five years, they shared the same country for merely twelve months; when one studied abroad, the other remained at SDU Weihai; once the latter departed, the former had already returned, their life phases chronically out of sync.
现在回想，高中的状态本质上是不可持续的：四十个人每天聚在同一个密闭空间，这种密度的共同生活不可能延续到成年。
Reflecting back, the high school condition was inherently unsustainable: forty teenagers confined daily within a single sealed classroom—that density of communal existence cannot endure into adulthood.
大学延展了每个人的生活空间，但也带来了相应的烦恼。它最大的好处在于选择权：你不想和谁相处，就可以不和谁相处——高中时我多少有点老好人。至于烦恼，无非是要在更大的空间里慢慢找到属于自己的生态位。
University expands individual horizons, yet brings attendant anxieties. Its greatest virtue is agency: if you disdain someone, you simply avoid them—in high school, I was something of an obliging people-pleaser. As for anxieties, it is merely the slow, solitary task of locating one’s ecological niche within a larger space.
据观察，我所吸引的女生类型大致具备以下特征：学习底子好、与男性接触不多、比较看颜、比较主动、好胜心强、家境较为殷实。
By observation, the profile of women drawn to me generally exhibits these traits: solid academic foundations, limited prior male contact, visual orientation, assertive initiative, competitive drive, and comfortable family finances.
针对这一类型，我目前想到的应对方法是“自我姨化”——即在维持帅感的同时，由内而外地散发出一种“老婆子感”的气质。直觉上，似乎只有姨化才能与这类女生维持长久的关系。
Facing this demographic, my current countermeasure is “self-auntification”—maintaining sharp visual appeal while radiating an “old-woman aura” from within. Intuitively, adopting this tenderly maternal persona seems the only path to sustaining equilibrium with such women.
其一，大学至今没有谈过长于两个月的恋爱。一条得到验证的规律是：越不着急谈恋爱的时候，谈的恋爱反而越好。
First: I have yet to sustain a collegiate relationship exceeding two months. An empirically verified law: the less one rushes toward romance, the richer the romance that arrives.
其二，偶尔关注前任近况，看看她们过得怎么样——比如今天搜考研复试名单，意外发现前女友考研法学第一。但真要复合，我又不乐意了。归根结底，喜欢的都只是一种感觉，而非具体的人。
Second: Occasionally checking up on ex-partners to see how their lives unfold—for instance, browsing the graduate re-examination rosters today, I discovered my ex-girlfriend ranked first in legal studies. Yet were reconciliation offered, I would decline. Ultimately, what was cherished was merely an ethereal sensation, never the concrete person.
9、文淇与苏州 Wen Qi and Suzhou
我从小住独栋别墅，没有”小区””邻家女孩””青梅竹马”这类概念，而文淇真的像是和我一起长大的邻家女孩：她小学在苏州上学，参加苏州的小模特比赛时，我作为小记者报道过一次相关赛事；后来她拿了小模特全国总冠军——我的初恋当时和她同台走秀，拿了优秀奖。初中听说了很多她的故事，高中看了《血观音》，那部电影给了我很深的震撼。
Growing up in a detached villa, concepts like “residential compounds,” “girls next door,” or “childhood sweethearts” were alien to me, yet actress Wen Qi genuinely felt like a neighborhood peer who grew up alongside me: she attended elementary school in Suzhou; when she competed in a local youth modeling pageant, I covered the event as a student reporter. Later she clinched the national junior championship—my first love walked the same runway beside her, earning an excellence award. I heard countless anecdotes about her during middle school; in high school I watched The Bold, the Corrupt, and the Beautiful, a film that left an indelible impression on me.
顺带谈到苏州的城市底色：苏州有很多台商家庭，我认识的两位在苏读书的台胞同学人都很好；也有很多日资企业——以至于有人觉得苏州人与日本的关系有些过分友好了。
This segues into Suzhou’s urban temperament: the city hosts numerous Taiwanese business families; two Taiwanese classmates I befriended in Suzhou were exceptionally kind souls. Japanese enterprises also proliferate—so much so that outsiders occasionally deem Suzhou’s affinity with Japan suspiciously cozy.
我们学校就在园林里面，初中在湿地里面，那里小山小水蛮多。至于苏州环境是否养人，难说：四季分明，夏天热得要死、冬天冷得要死。威海则相反：我喜欢威海的夏天，冬夏都不错，春秋就算了，毫无意境——威海根本没有春秋。结论：如果威海人去苏大读书，四年一定很舒服。
Our high school was nestled directly inside classical gardens, and my middle school within wetlands, flanked by gentle hills and meandering creeks. Whether Suzhou’s climate nurtures physical well-being is debatable: seasons are sharply delineated—scorching in summer, bone-chilling in winter. Weihai is the inverse: I adore Weihai’s summers, and its winters are fine, but spring and autumn are sterile voids devoid of poetic mood—Weihai simply has no spring or autumn. Conclusion: if a Weihai native attends Soochow University, four years will be exceptionally comfortable.