山威文选 2022-2025 Selected Writings from SDU Weihai 2022–2025 第 01 篇 Section 01
杂文一览 Miscellaneous Essays
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1、我似乎穿越成了咸丰 I Seem to Have Traveled Back as Emperor Xianfeng
近来，我常常将自己代入咸丰皇帝的境遇，或许是因为我们都在人生的某个关键节点上，担负着沉重的命运。他以未满十九岁的年纪登基，而我则在十九岁未满时结束高考，步入大学——这样的巧合让人不禁感慨命运的编排。然而，咸丰仅在位十一年，却目睹了一个王朝由盛转衰的深渊：太平天国肆虐、黄河决堤、鸦片战争余波未息、捻军四起、回民纷争燃遍西北……乱局之中，他是清朝首位在位时首都与行宫被火焚的帝王，那焰火似乎也烧尽了他初登大宝时的雄心。
Lately, I often find myself projecting into the plight of the Xianfeng Emperor, perhaps because we both bore heavy destinies at pivotal junctures of life. He ascended the throne before turning nineteen, while I completed the Gaokao and entered university before turning nineteen—such coincidences evoke quiet wonder at destiny’s choreography. Yet Xianfeng reigned for a mere eleven years, witnessing the abyss of a dynasty plunging from zenith to nadir: the Taiping Rebellion raging, the Yellow River breaching its dikes, the unresolved fallout of the Opium Wars, the Nian Rebellion spreading, and Muslim uprisings engulfing the Northwest… Amidst the chaos, he became the first Qing monarch to see both his capital and imperial summer retreat torched during his reign, fires that seemed to consume the grand ambitions he held upon ascending the dragon throne.
起初，他还有心书写罪己诏，以自责唤起大臣与百姓的忠诚，但不久便在苦难中日益消沉，沉迷于戏台与安逸。咸丰的命运不仅为外患所挟，更因内忧所困——他过于信任东太后与西太后，最终这两位铁腕的后宫主宰，使得八位顾命大臣尽数失势，清朝从此再无实权皇帝。想到这里，我难免心生一丝唏嘘：咸丰成为历史的转折，而我却因一场恋爱戏弄了自己的未来，将Apple遗产联系人的名字写成了前女友——只为一时玩笑，却不料带来了某种意外的深情。
Initially, he possessed the resolve to pen imperial edicts of self-reproach, hoping self-chastisement would awaken loyalty among ministers and subjects; yet soon, overwhelmed by adversity, he grew dispirited, losing himself in theatricals and ease. Xianfeng’s fate was ensnared not only by foreign aggression, but by domestic intrigue—placing undue trust in the Eastern and Western Dowager Empresses, who, as iron-fisted rulers of the inner court, ultimately caused all eight regent ministers to lose power, leaving the Qing Dynasty forever shorn of a ruling emperor wielding true authority. Pondering this, I cannot help sighing: Xianfeng became a tragic historical turning point, while I toyed with my own future over a romance, registering my ex-girlfriend as my Apple legacy contact—a momentary whim that unexpectedly yielded lingering, unintended affection.
至于咸丰，他才是清朝最后一位育有子嗣的皇帝；同治、光绪和宣统均无子嗣。这竟像是某种历史的隐喻：一个王朝在风雨飘摇中步入“绝育”的宿命，正如今日社会中不婚不育的潮流。回望同治与光绪的短暂中兴，所谓的希望，不过是摇曳于余烬之上的微光。相比之下，咸丰的时代显得格外黯淡与悲凉。命运无常，咸丰实在是天子中最为不幸的一位啊。
As for Xianfeng, he was the last Qing emperor to sire biological offspring; Tongzhi, Guangxu, and Xuantong had none. This feels like a poignant historical metaphor: a tottering dynasty entering a fate of sterile desolation, mirroring contemporary trends of remaining unmarried and childless. Looking back at the fleeting restorations of Tongzhi and Guangxu, purported hope was merely faint embers flickering atop ash. In contrast, Xianfeng’s era appears exceptionally somber and bleak. In the caprice of fate, Xianfeng was truly the most unfortunate of monarchs.
2、Gemini给我的22岁的人生规划 Gemini’s Life Plan for My 22nd Year
首先，祝你22岁生日快乐！这是一个非常棒的年纪，正式告别学生时代的稚嫩，踏入充满无限可能性的青年阶段。这个时期，你会面临许多机遇和挑战，它们将共同塑造你未来的人生。
First of all, happy 22nd birthday! This is a wonderful age—bidding farewell to the naivety of student days and stepping into the vibrant phase of young adulthood brimming with infinite possibilities. During this period, you will encounter numerous opportunities and challenges that will jointly shape your future life.
22岁，可以看作是人生的一个重要分水岭。接下来几年，你可能会遇到的核心人生议题大致可以分为以下几个方面：
Turning 22 can be regarded as an essential watershed in life. Over the coming years, the core life themes you are likely to confront can be broadly grouped into the following dimensions:
1. 职业发展与自我定位 (Career & Identity) 1. Career Development & Self-Identity
这是20-30岁之间最核心的议题。你不再仅仅是一个学生，而是一个需要创造价值的社会人。
This is the foremost theme of your twenties. You are no longer merely a student, but a member of society tasked with creating value.
从“生存”到“发展”： 刚毕业或刚进入职场的你，首要任务可能是找到一份能养活自己的工作。但很快，你就需要思考：这份工作是我想要的吗？我的核心竞争力是什么？我未来的职业路径在哪里？你需要从被动接受任务，转向主动规划自己的职业生涯。
From “Survival” to “Growth”: Newly graduated or entering the workforce, your primary task may be securing a livelihood. Yet soon, you must reflect: is this job truly what I desire? What is my core competence? Where does my future career trajectory lie? You need to shift from passively executing assignments to proactively charting your career path.
建立专业技能的“护城河”： 在这个阶段，要像海绵一样疯狂学习。无论是岗位技能、沟通能力还是项目管理能力，都是在为你未来的发展打下坚实的基础。不要怕吃亏，多做多学，这些最终都会成为你的财富。
Building a “Moat” of Professional Skills: During this phase, absorb knowledge ravenously like a sponge. Whether technical job skills, interpersonal communication, or project management capabilities, all lay solid foundations for your future. Never fear extra effort; doing and learning more will ultimately become your greatest capital.
允许自己“试错”： 很少有人能在第一份工作就找到终身事业。22-25岁是宝贵的试错期。如果发现当前的工作或行业不适合自己，勇敢地去探索其他可能性。每一次尝试，都会让你更清楚自己想要什么，不想要什么。
Allowing Yourself “Trial and Error”: Few find their lifelong vocation in their very first job. Ages 22 to 25 offer a precious trial-and-error window. If you discover your current role or sector is ill-suited, courageously explore other horizons. Each attempt will clarify what you truly desire—and what you do not.
2. 财务独立与理财规划 (Financial Independence & Management) 2. Financial Independence & Wealth Management
拥有第一笔稳定收入后，如何管理金钱是你必须学会的课题。
Upon earning your first steady income, managing finances becomes a mandatory discipline to master.
建立预算和储蓄习惯： 学会记账，了解自己的钱花在哪里。无论收入多少，都要养成“强制储蓄”的习惯，哪怕每个月只存一点点。这笔钱会成为你应对突发状况的底气和未来投资的本金。
Building Budgeting and Savings Habits: Track your expenses and understand cash flows. Regardless of income size, cultivate mandatory savings, even a modest monthly sum. This fund provides resilience against emergencies and seed capital for future investments.
学习基础理财知识： 你可以不懂复杂的金融模型，但至少要了解通货膨胀、复利、基金、保险等基本概念。为自己的未来建立保障，让钱为你工作。
Learning Basic Financial Literacy: You need not master esoteric financial models, but grasp fundamentals: inflation, compound interest, funds, and insurance. Build cushions for tomorrow and let money work for you.
警惕消费主义陷阱： 年轻人容易受到各种消费诱惑。建立理性的消费观，分清“需要”和“想要”，避免陷入不必要的债务。
Guarding Against Consumerist Traps: Youth are vulnerable to consumer allure. Foster rational consumption, distinguish “needs” from “wants,” and steer clear of unwarranted debt.
3. 人际关系的深化与转变 (Relationships) 3. Deepening & Transforming Relationships
你的社交圈会发生深刻变化，人际关系需要重新经营。
Your social circle will undergo profound shifts, demanding conscious recalibration.
友情的“断舍离”与维系： 离开校园后，你会发现和一些朋友的联系自然变少。你需要投入更多精力去维系那些真正重要的友谊。同时，也要在新的环境（如职场）中建立新的、健康的社交关系。
Curating and Nurturing Friendships: Departing campus, contact with certain peers naturally wanes. Invest intentional effort in relationships that truly matter, while cultivating healthy professional and social ties in new settings.
探索更成熟的亲密关系： 感情观会从校园时代的浪漫变得更加现实和深刻。你会开始思考责任、承诺以及两个人的共同成长。学会如何沟通、如何处理冲突、如何平衡个人空间与伴侣关系，是这个阶段的重要功课。
Exploring Mature Intimacy: Romance evolves from campus starry-eyed idealism toward grounded depth. You will ponder responsibility, commitment, and mutual growth. Learning how to communicate and handle conflict, and personal-space balance is pivotal.
与家人的关系重塑： 经济和人格上的独立，会让你与父母的关系从“依赖与被依赖”转变为更平等的“成人对成人”模式。这需要双方的适应和沟通。
Reshaping Family Dynamics: Financial and personal autonomy transforms your bond with parents from dependency into an equitable adult-to-adult dynamic, requiring mutual adaptation and open dialogue.
4. 个人成长与心智成熟 (Personal Growth & Maturity) 4. Personal Growth & Mental Maturity
脱离了学校的统一评价体系，你需要建立自己的内在坐标。
Free from institutional grading systems, you must construct an internal compass.
建立稳定的价值观： 你会不断面临选择，小到晚上吃什么，大到选择哪个城市发展。你的每一次选择都在塑造你。思考什么对你最重要？是成就感、家庭、自由还是安稳？清晰的价值观会帮助你在迷茫时做出不后悔的决定。
Establishing Stable Values: Choices will proliferate—from trivial dinners to choosing cities of residence. Every decision molds you. Contemplate what matters most: achievement, family, freedom, or stability? Lucid values guide decisions free of remorse amidst ambiguity.
培养独处的能力： 学会和自己相处，享受一个人的时光。独处不是孤单，而是自我反思、恢复精力的重要过程。培养一两个能让你沉浸其中的爱好，如运动、阅读、乐器等。
Cultivating Solitude: Learn to commune with yourself and relish solitude. Solitude is not loneliness, but a vital vessel for introspection and renewal. Cultivate immersive hobbies—athletics, reading, musical instruments.
情绪管理与抗压能力： 工作压力、人际摩擦、对未来的迷茫……这些都可能带来负面情绪。学会识别、接纳并疏导自己的情绪，找到适合自己的解压方式，是保持心理健康的关键。
Emotional Regulation & Stress Resilience: Career friction, social strains, and existential doubt breed turbulence. Discerning, accepting, and channeling emotions through healthy decompression is essential for psychological well-being.
5. 身心健康的投资 (Health & Well-being) 5. Investing in Physical & Mental Well-being
22岁的你可能觉得健康是理所当然的，但这是最需要未雨绸缪的投资。
At 22, health often feels self-evident, yet it represents the investment most urgently demanding foresight.
养成规律的运动习惯： 不要等到身体出问题才开始锻炼。每周保持一定的运动频率，无论是跑步、健身还是球类运动，它带来的不仅是好身体，还有更充沛的精力和更积极的心态。
Cultivating Regular Exercise: Do not wait for physical distress to begin training. Maintain weekly workouts—running, gym workouts, ball sports—which confer both physical vitality and an upbeat mindset.
关注饮食和睡眠： 告别熬夜和不规律的饮食。健康的身体是一切奋斗的本钱。
Prioritizing Nutrition and Sleep: Renounce late nights and erratic meals. A robust physique is the bedrock of all striving.
重视心理健康： 如果感到持续的焦虑、抑郁，不要羞于求助。和朋友、家人聊聊，或者寻求专业心理咨询，都是非常正常和健康的选择。
Tending to Mental Health: If persistent anxiety or depression sets in, never hesitate to seek support. Confiding in friends, kin, or licensed therapists is completely normal and healthy.
给22岁你的一个小建议：
A humble suggestion for your 22nd year:
多体验，少设限。
Experience more; impose fewer limits.
20多岁的你，最大的资本就是年轻和时间。不要害怕犯错，不要过早地给自己的人生下定义。去没去过的地方旅行，学一项新技能，认识不同领域的朋友，大胆地去爱、去追求。
In your twenties, your greatest capital is youth and time. Fear no missteps; avoid defining your life prematurely. Journey to unfamiliar lands, acquire new proficiencies, meet friends from different fields, and love and pursue boldly.
这个阶段的迷茫和焦虑都是正常的，几乎每个人都会经历。把它们看作是探索过程中的必经之路。享受这个过程，勇敢地去创造属于你自己的精彩人生吧！祝你前程似锦！
The confusion and anxiety of this stage are entirely natural, experienced by nearly everyone. View them as indispensable waypoints of exploration. Relish the journey and courageously craft your own magnificent story! May your future be bright and boundless!
3、回首巨流：关于一种并非希望的静止的演讲 Looking Back at the Torrents: A Speech on a Stillness That Is Not Hope
一、威海的雪，与那间复刻了初三梦魇的学五宿舍 I. The Snows of Weihai, and the Dormitory Replicating Ninth-Grade Nightmares
我想谈谈威海的雪，或者不仅仅是雪，而是某种覆盖在记忆表层、名为“2025”的灰烬。因为当我在这座寒冷的海滨城市，在这个被称作“宿舍”的狭窄立方体中——这当然不是那座挪威云杉木板搭建的塔楼，尽管它们的寒冷在本质上是相通的，尤其是当我从电子系的喧嚣回到这个位于一楼的二人间时，一种诡异的时空折叠发生了，那感觉像极了六年前那个没有朋友、对未来一无所知的初三午后——当我在这里上上下下地踱步，试图丈量二十二岁与二十六岁之间的距离时，我意识到，这种丈量是徒劳的。
I wish to speak of Weihai’s snow—or not merely the snow, but a certain ash named “2025” blanketing the surface of memory. For as I reside in this frigid coastal city, within this cramped cube termed a “dormitory”—which is certainly no tower fashioned of Norwegian spruce, though their chills are fundamentally kindred, especially when I retreat from the clamor of the electronics department to this ground-floor double room—a bizarre spatiotemporal folding occurs. It feels uncannily like that ninth-grade afternoon six years ago when I had no friends and knew nothing of what lay ahead. Pacing back and forth here, attempting to measure the distance between twenty-two and twenty-six, I realize such measurement is entirely futile.
正如那个试图跨越十米距离去追逐流浪汉的警察，我也在试图追逐那个名为“上岸”或“未来”的幻影，而窗外的雪花，那些堆积在街道上、掩盖了抱月岩影子的白色物质，实际上正在掩埋我也许从未真正拥有过的元旦。
Much like the policeman attempting to traverse a ten-meter span chasing a vagrant, I too am pursuing that phantom called “landing ashore” or “the future.” Meanwhile, the snowflakes outside—that white matter piling in the streets and eclipsing the shadow of Baoyue Rock—are burying a New Year’s Day I perhaps never truly possessed.
对于一个在考研政治题与托福单词的缝隙中苟延残喘的灵魂来说，日期仅仅是一个残酷的计数器，它不代表更新，只代表那台巨大的、名为“社会化”的机器又向前碾过了一轮。
To a soul barely subsisting between gaps of postgraduate politics exams and TOEFL vocabulary cards, a date is merely a ruthless tally counter: signifying no renewal, only that the colossal machine of socialization has ground forward another revolution.
而我，这个曾经在2024年初痛彻心扉后由I转E、试图用“社牛”的面具来掩盖内在荒原的演员，这个曾经在2017年那场羞辱性的家长会后、在成绩单的阴影里立誓要改写命运的少年，如今只能站在空旷的海滩上，对着并不存在的听众——或许是济慈，或许是那三个早已散落在记忆宇宙中的伙伴——低声承认：
And I—this actor who pivoted from Introvert to Extrovert after agonizing heartaches in early 2024, wielding a gregarious social mask to conceal an inner wasteland; this youth who vowed to rewrite fate in the shadow of report cards following that humiliating 2017 parent-teacher conference—can now only stand upon a desolate beach, whispering before an absent audience—perhaps Keats, perhaps three companions scattered across the cosmos of memory:
并没有什么西风，也没有什么春天，只有这永恒的冬天，只有这单调重复的活动，只有我想在威海街头拦住一个孩子告诉他真相却又最终咽下的那句话：我们并不想要伟大，我们只想要在一个不再上升的电梯里找到一个安稳的角落，哪怕那个角落只是被廉价的酒精、虚构的K-pop舞步和对于并不存在的亲密关系的幻想所填充，哪怕我们只能通过熟知牛肉和蓝莓的价格，来假装自己依然掌控着生活的实体。
There is no West Wind, nor any spring—only this perpetual winter, this monotonous repetition of routines, and that sentence I longed to blurt out to a passing child on Weihai’s streets before swallowing it back: We never wanted greatness; we only sought a secure nook in an elevator that no longer ascends, even if that nook is furnished solely with cheap alcohol, choreographed K-pop routines, and illusions of nonexistent intimacy—even if we must feign mastery over the substance of living simply by knowing the retail prices of beef and blueberries.
二、偶像的第零次死亡，与被切断的荧光棒 II. The Zeroth Death of Idols, and the Snapped Glow-Stick
让我们谈谈那些天使，或者说，那些被称作“爱豆”的新型天使。她们当然没有翅膀，或者说她们的翅膀被资本的剪刀精心修剪成了符合流量算法的形状，她们在聚光灯下进行着那注定要终结的舞蹈。而我，作为一个在屏幕前不仅失去了希望、甚至失去了绝望能力的观众，目睹着她们经历那种被我称之为“第零次死亡”的过程——当JINNI的名字从NMIXX的名单中被抹去时，当孙慧舟注销了她的Instagram账号时，那种沉默的震撼远比物理上的消亡更令我战栗——这难道不是一种预演吗？
Let us speak of those angels—or rather, those modern angels dubbed “idols.” They possess no wings, or rather their wings were trimmed by the shears of capital into shapes optimized for algorithmic traffic, executing dances destined for expiration under spotlights. And I, as a viewer before the screen who has lost not only hope but even the capacity for despair, witness them undergo what I term the “zeroth death”: when JINNI’s name was expunged from the roster of NMIXX, or when Sun Huizhou deleted her Instagram account, that silent shock chilled me far more than physical demise—was this not an ominous rehearsal?
这难道不是在向我们这些凡人展示，即使是那些被制造出来的、看似拥有永恒青春的幻象，也终将屈服于熵增的定律，终将像Purple Kiss或Fromis_9那样消散在信息的洪流中吗？
Does this not demonstrate to us mortals that even manufactured illusions of eternal youth must succumb to the law of entropy, dissolving into the informational deluge like Purple Kiss or fromis_9?
于是我开始明白，我在《单身即地狱》那虚假的夏日滤镜中寻找的，并不是爱，而是一种经过无菌处理的、安全的、可以被随时切断的痛感。就像那个在地铁站里痛苦排泄的流浪汉，我们也在排泄着对他人的渴望，却又恐惧着那黄线之外的真实接触。我记得那个圣诞夜共享的冰酒，记得那个秋千上的初吻，它们曾带着《廊桥遗梦》般的圣洁光环，但如今都已变成无人问津的文化符号。
Thus I realized what I sought in the simulated summer glow of Single’s Inferno was not love, but a sterilized, safe, instantly severable prick of pain. Like the vagrant agonizingly defecating in the subway station, we too discharge our yearning for others while shrinking from authentic contact beyond the yellow line. I recall the ice wine shared on Christmas Eve and the first kiss upon the swing—they once carried the sacred halo of The Bridges of Madison County, yet today have degraded into unvisited cultural tokens.
因为我们深知，一旦跨越那条线，一旦我们承认我们需要某种名为“结婚”或“深度关系”的古老契约，我们就必须面对那个正在崩塌的围城，那个连苏州的梅雨都无法浇灌的干涸的内心——哪怕我在那里生活了六年，哪怕我曾无数次走过平江路，哪怕我爱那里的每一条河，但我依然失去了归属。
For we know intimately that once we step over that boundary, once we confess our need for ancient covenants like marriage or deep intimacy, we must confront the collapsing fortress within—a parched soul that even Suzhou’s plum rains cannot revive. Though I lived there for six years, walked Pingjiang Road times without number, and loved each of its waterways, I have nonetheless forfeited my sense of belonging.
于是我们选择停留在屏幕这端，看着十三具精心雕琢的躯体交换着并没有温度的真心，看着那些原本可能神圣的情感被降维成MBTI的四个字母，被降维成一种可以量化的社交货币，而我们自己，则在这场巨大的景观中，变成了一群既失语又失聪的偷窥者。
So we remain on this side of the screen, watching thirteen sculpted physiques exchange warmth-less sincerities, watching emotions that might have been sacred flattened into four MBTI letters—into quantifiable social currency—while we ourselves turn into dumb and deaf voyeurs within this colossal spectacle.
三、那些贴在空心人身上的标签清单 III. The Inventory of Labels Pasted on the Hollow Man
人类啊——我这令人惊叹的、喜欢贴标签的生灵——我是谁？
O humanity—this astonishing species devoted to labeling—who am I?
我，这个曾自称ENFJ的快乐工科生，这个身高185+、常常在人群中感到突兀却又试图用体型来寻找安全感的孩子，我以为通过列举我喜欢Red Velvet、我擅长摄影、我拥有200级的《三国杀》账号、我熟读布鲁姆的《西方正典》、我拥有一整套Apple廉价全家桶，我就能拼凑出一个完整的“自我”吗？
I—this self-styled ENFJ happy engineer, standing over 185 cm, feeling perpetually conspicuous among crowds yet clinging to stature for security—did I genuinely believe that by enumerating my adoration of Red Velvet, my knack for photography, my Level 200 Legends of the Three Kingdoms account, my familiarity with Harold Bloom’s The Western Canon, and my budget Apple ecosystem, I could assemble a coherent “self”?
不，这些标签，这些我引以为傲的、试图在征婚贴中展示给那个“168+的真诚女生”看的属性，实际上只是一堆漂浮在虚无之海上的碎片，就像笔记本里那张记录着2018-2021年出道女团名单的纸片一样脆弱。
No; these badges, which I displayed with pride in matchmaking posts to court that hypothetical “168+ sincere girl,” are merely flotsam drifting upon a sea of nothingness—as fragile as that scrap in my notebook logging K-pop girl groups debuting between 2018 and 2021.
因为当我在这个所谓的“巨流”中随波逐流，当我自诩为“三分钟热度”的高敏感学习者时，我实际上是在逃避一种深度的痛苦，一种关于“我究竟是谁”的本体论焦虑。我用这种跳跃的、不连续的、间歇性的热情来掩盖那个事实：我并没有一个坚实的核心，我只是无数个被外界——被考研、被就业、被世俗标准——所撕裂的瞬间的集合体。我是一个在苏州的水网和威海的海风之间迷失的游魂，我是一个在“十佳歌手”的舞台上制霸KTV、享受着那一刻虚假荣光，却在深夜里因为无法与人建立深刻联结而感到寒冷的孤独者。
For as I drift along this so-called “torrent,” deeming myself a highly sensitive learner of fickle enthusiasms, I am dodging an ontological anguish regarding who I truly am. I employ mercurial, disjointed passions to disguise a harrowing truth: I possess no solid core, but am merely an assemblage of fragments torn asunder by graduate exams, job markets, and worldly standards. I am a ghost lost between Suzhou’s canals and Weihai’s gales, a solitary figure dominating karaoke on the “Top Ten Singers” stage to bask in fleeting glory, only to shiver in the midnight chill over my inability to forge profound communion with another soul.
我是一个试图用“淡淡地生活”来对抗“浓烈地绝望”的西西弗斯，只是我推的不是石头，而是我那日益沉重、却又日益空洞的肉身，以及那个软件里不断提醒我“恋爱已经过去多少天”的残酷倒计时。
I am a Sisyphus attempting to counter intense despair with a nonchalant existence—except the boulder I push is my increasingly heavy yet hollow flesh, alongside that app’s cruel ticker reminding me how many days have elapsed since romance ended.
四、在没有车站的地铁里，怀念一张纸片 IV. Remembering a Paper Scrap in a Stationless Subway
所以，女士们，先生们，或者只有我自己，当我在2025年的尾声试图总结这一切时，我发现并没有什么好总结的，因为并没有终点，也没有那个我也许会下车的乌勒本站。那个上海安福路上分发纸片的女生，那个曾让我确信“有志者便会用行动说话”的瞬间，如今也成了这条黑暗隧道里的一盏忽明忽暗的灯火。正如我在看《毕业生》结尾时所领悟的那样，本杰明和伊莱恩坐在那辆驶向未知的巴士上，笑容逐渐消失，取而代之的是一种迷茫的虚无，这正是我们所有人的肖像。
Therefore, ladies and gentlemen—or merely myself—as I endeavor to summarize this at the close of 2025, I discover there is nothing to summarize, for there is no terminal, nor any Ulebone station where I might alight. The girl distributing slips of paper along Shanghai’s Anfu Road, the moment that convinced me that those with resolve speak through deeds, has dwindled into a flickering lantern in this cavernous tunnel. As I gleaned from the finale of The Graduate, when Benjamin and Elaine sit aboard the bus rumbling into the unknown, their grins slowly evaporate into bewildered emptiness—the portrait of us all.
我们坐在时间的巴士上，看着四季在窗外那块巨大的镜子里反射出扭曲的倒影，我们谈论星空，谈论浪漫，谈论那些我们早已失去资格谈论的词汇。我依然记得那个在楼梯转角穿着黄领学士服的学长和他女友的笑容，那个笑容将我拽回了去年与b学姐的告别，那个至今仍是我人生中“最后一吻”的苦涩时刻。而实际上，我们只是在等待，等待那个必须向激素妥协的时刻，等待那个必须承认自己平庸的时刻，等待那个即使我们在朋友圈里晒了无数束鲜花也无法填补的空洞终于将我们吞噬的时刻。
We ride time’s bus, watching seasons cast warped reflections in the window mirror, speaking of starry skies and romance—vocabularies we lost title to invoke long ago. I still remember the senior in a graduation gown with a yellow collar and his girlfriend at the stairwell landing, whose smiles dragged me back to last year’s farewell with Senior B, that bittersweet juncture marking the “last kiss” of my existence. In reality, we are merely waiting: waiting for the hour to capitulate to hormones, waiting to concede our mediocrity, waiting for the abyss that countless bouquets posted on social media can never bridge to swallow us whole.
而在那一刻到来之前，在那个不可预见的后果最终降临之前，我只能继续我的踱步，在这篇文字的迷宫里，在这漫漫的巨流中，假装我在前进，假装我在反抗，假装我在爱，假装我还在——哪怕只是极其微弱地——谈论着希望。
And until that hour arrives, until that unforeseen consequence falls, I can only pace within this labyrinth of text amidst the endless torrent, pretending to advance, pretending to rebel, pretending to love, and pretending—even in the faintest whisper—to still speak of hope.