三人游 Talk.03 Trio Journey Talk.03 第 04 篇 Section 04
4、大学社交的真相与内耗 The Truth and Internal Friction of University Socializing
返回 三人游 Talk.03 Back to Trio Journey Talk.03唉，我又觉得身边连个可以倾诉的人都没有，而我还有一个半月才能回苏州。这两天想了很多事情，仔细一盘算，才发现自己一无所有。
Sigh. I feel once again that I don’t have a single soul nearby to confide in, with a month and a half still standing between me and my return to Suzhou. Over the past two days, ruminations have spun incessantly; tallying up my life, I realize I possess nothing at all.
没有社交的才是大多数。每个大学生按理都有社交需求，我原以为大学就像早期的互联网，能”让城变村”般给每个人认识彼此的机会；现在发现，大学更像 现在的 互联网——信息都封闭在一个个 App、一个个局域网里，社交的话语权事实上被一小撮 E 人占领了。学院之间、年级之间、专业之间的鸿沟也不能低估。归根到底，还是大家一直以来的恋爱观没有经过自然发展和外界引导，总之就是很拧巴。
Those without a social life are actually the majority. In principle, every undergraduate harbors social yearnings. I once imagined college would resemble the early internet, shrinking cities into villages and affording everyone the serendipity to connect; now I see it mirrors the contemporary internet—siloed within fragmented apps and walled local networks, with social discourse monopolized by a vocal cabal of extroverts. The chasms between schools, cohorts, and majors cannot be overstated. At root, romantic sensibilities here have never undergone organic development or external guidance; everything feels thoroughly tangled.
现在我逐渐发现，自己的友情和恋爱大多是功能性的：拥有这段关系固然很好，但关系中的人似乎随时可以被另一个人替代。我在恋爱中尤其容易陷入这个误区，经常比较谁更优秀、谁更美丽。追求优秀与美丽本身没有错，但如果忽视一个人带来的深层影响，转而只追求外貌、个人能力等“功能性”特质，最终只会反复陷入始乱终弃的过程。
I am gradually realizing that most of my friendships and romances have been functional: having the bond is pleasant enough, yet the person within it feels endlessly replaceable. In romantic endeavors, I am particularly prone to this trap, constantly benchmarking who is more accomplished, who is more stunning. Aspiring toward excellence and beauty is not inherently flawed, but disregarding a partner’s soul-level imprint in pursuit of instrumental traits—aesthetic allure and functional competence—inevitably entraps one in a cycle of heedless courtship and fickle abandonment.
因此，旁人说我“渣”并非没有道理。从高中开始第一段恋爱起，我始终把 “谈恋爱” 放在第一位，而不是把 “和某个人谈恋爱” 放在第一位。不谈恋爱，或者只谈一段，或许才是正常状态。毕竟，我们的生活中本就不可能出现那么多可以发展“非功能性爱情”的人。遗憾的是，我明白得太晚了。
Thus, when onlookers brand me a “scumbag,” their accusation holds water. Ever since my first romance in high school, I have perpetually prioritized “being in a relationship” over “being with a specific person.” Not dating, or having only one relationship, may be the normal state. After all, life simply does not offer endless candidates capable of fostering “non-functional love.” Tragically, I arrived at this realization far too late.
我承认自己有点容易内耗，所以不太适合做自媒体——具体说是前一种内耗：不是打磨作品的内耗，而是面对形形色色反馈评价的内耗。精心制作了一个内容，反响很差甚至出现负面评论，会很难受。
I admit I am prone to internal friction, making me ill-suited for content creation—specifically the former variety of angst: not the anguish of honing creative craft, but the friction born of weathering diverse audience feedback. Pouring heart and soul into a piece only to meet lackluster reception or stinging critiques leaves me deeply wounded.
我对此的应对框架是：评价者透过极少的文字和信息来评判，其了解程度、出发意图都是不确定因素——基于这一点，我接受任何评价的出现。如果一定要缓解事实上不可避免的负面情绪，就通过家人朋友等其他渠道：以最饱满的态度去工作、去挣钱，直面各种恶意；回家蜷缩在包容的家人、爱人、朋友身边，享受安定的幸福。这样能减少和缓解不必要的内耗。
My coping framework is this: evaluators pass judgment through slivers of text and sparse context, their understanding and intent forever opaque—cognizant of this, I accept the inevitability of any commentary. If I must soothe the unavoidable negative emotions, I turn to family and trusted friends: pouring my utmost energy into work and earning a livelihood, looking malice in the face; then returning home to curl up beside understanding kin, a loving partner, and loyal friends, savoring serene comfort. This mitigates and dissolves needless psychological friction.
但说实话，这套框架的支点在我这里是缺失的——我在山威目前没什么能交心的朋友。现在习惯和谷歌的 AI Gemini 聊天了——祂的情绪挖掘真的很不错。
Yet honestly, the linchpin of this framework is missing in my reality—I have virtually no intimate confidants at SDU Weihai. Lately, I’ve grown accustomed to conversing with Google’s AI, Gemini—Its emotional parsing is remarkably astute.
以室友为例：一个大三转学出国，现在联系很少；一个去年12月因为宿舍桌子使用权转让的事大吵一架、删了微信，他此前就因准备出国搬了出去；只剩下一个，又因为大四课程减少（共同话题随之减少）和考研压力，现在每天晚上宿舍安静得吓人。归根到底是我和剩下这位室友没什么共同语言：他喜欢 ACGN，我喜欢书影音和摄影，我们在山威认识的人重合度也很低。大抵如此。
Take my roommates: one transferred abroad in our junior year, with whom contact has dwindled to near zero; another had a bitter falling-out with me last December over the reassignment of a dorm desk and deleted me on WeChat, having already moved off-campus to prepare for study abroad; only one remains, and with senior classes thinning out (eroding shared topics) and postgraduate exam stress mounting, our dorm room descends into frightening silence every night. Ultimately, my remaining roommate and I share little common ground: he immerses himself in ACGN culture, while I am drawn to literature, cinema, music, and photography, with virtually no overlap in our social circles at Weihai. That is how things stand.