离题集 2026 Oracle Digressions 2026 第 04 篇 Section 04
三月 似曾相识的你 March: Déjà Vu of You
返回 离题集 2026 Back to Oracle Digressions 2026现在一进入暧昧，我脑子里就会浮现出以前女生的 ghost。不是某一个具体的人，而是一整套似曾相识的话术、话题、表情和节奏。对方刚说出一句话，我就会突然想起：这句话，好像以前也有人这么说过；这个话题，好像也和谁聊到过。于是暧昧还没有真正开始，我已经先对自己感到厌恶。
Nowadays, whenever I enter a flirtatious ambiguity, the ghost of women from my past surfaces in my mind. It isn’t any single concrete individual, but an entire repertoire of déjà-vu phrases, conversational motifs, facial expressions, and rhythmic beats. No sooner has she uttered a sentence than it strikes me: someone seemed to have said this exact phrase before; this topic, too, seems to have been discussed with someone else. And so, before the flirtation has even genuinely begun, I have already grown weary and disgusted with myself.
这种厌恶并不完全来自对方，而是来自我意识到自己的匮乏与局限。我好像已经没有能力再把一个人当作全新的个体去认识了。我很难再放下偏见，从零到一地走近一个人。可能是因为我的亲密经历大多太短，也可能是我已经不太相信，自己还能遇到真正适合长期相处的人。
This disgust does not entirely stem from the other person; rather, it arises from recognizing my own inner poverty and limitations. It feels as though I have lost the capacity to approach a person as an entirely new being. I can hardly cast aside prejudice to draw close to someone from ground zero. Perhaps it is because most of my experiences with intimacy were too brief; or perhaps I no longer truly believe that I will ever meet someone genuinely suited for a long-term journey.
更残酷的是，经历过一次以后，人就会带着心理预设去寻找同样的快乐。可快乐一旦变成预设，就很难再被满足。新人表现得不够像我期待中的样子，我会失望；新人太像某个旧人，我又会厌烦。这样想来，其实对她们很不公平。
What is crueler is that once someone has experienced it, they set out searching for the same pleasure armed with psychological preconceptions. But once pleasure becomes an expectation, it is difficult to satisfy. If the newcomer behaves insufficiently like what I anticipated, I feel disappointed; if she resembles an old flame too closely, I grow irritated. Thinking of it this way, it is deeply unfair to them.
但问题也许不在新人身上，而在我这里。
Yet the problem probably does not lie with the newcomer—it lies with me.
我严重缺乏亲密关系。我有强烈的亲密需求，却又缺乏表达亲密的能力。我想要被理解、被靠近、被安放，但轮到我回应时，我又常常不知道该怎么给予。我想要亲密，却无法真正给予亲密。这是最痛苦的地方。
I suffer from an acute deficit of intimacy. I possess an intense craving for intimacy, yet lack the capacity to express it. I yearn to be understood, approached, and held in safety, yet when my turn comes to reciprocate, I often find myself at a loss for how to give. I crave intimacy, yet cannot truly grant it. That is where the greatest torment lies.
今天交毕业审核材料时，我翻到一张社会实践校级优秀团队的奖状。那是两年前寒假和前女友一起做的项目。那一瞬间，2024年的酸涩记忆像被打翻的墨水瓶一样流了出来。原来有些东西从来没有被处理掉，只是被压在了文件袋的底部。现在回看，2024年其实就是我用新人忘旧人的一年。可是绕了一圈，到最后我最想念的，还是她。
Today, while submitting my graduation review materials, I came across a certificate for a university-level outstanding social practice team. It was from a project my ex-girlfriend and I worked on together during the winter vacation two years ago. In that instant, the bittersweet memories of 2024 poured out like an overturned ink bottle. As it turned out, some things were never truly processed; they were merely pressed down beneath the bottom of a document folder. Looking back now, 2024 was essentially a year where I tried to use someone new to forget someone old. But after traveling a full circle, in the end, the one I miss most remains her.
如果说2024年的关键词是“替代”，那么2025年大概可以用一段对话总结：
“What is the quality you most like in a woman?”
“That she’s queer.”
If the keyword for 2024 was “replacement,” then 2025 can probably be summarized by a brief exchange:
“What is the quality you most like in a woman?”
“That she’s queer.”
这当然可以被理解成偏好，但更像是一种自我保护。在社交逐渐收缩以后，我变得更敏感，也更在意情绪价值是否能够彼此交换。我开始害怕某些亲密互动里的审判感。过去我以为，只要我和对方在兴趣、审美、价值观上有共同点，再辅以温柔、倾听和理解，就能跨过很多分歧。
This can certainly be construed as a preference, but it resembles self-protection much more. Following the gradual contraction of my social sphere, I have become more sensitive and far more invested in whether emotional value can be mutually exchanged. I have begun to fear the judgmental undertones within certain intimate dynamics. In the past, I believed that as long as we shared commonalities in interests, aesthetics, and values, complemented by gentleness, listening, and understanding, many rifts could be bridged.
后来我发现，这个想法太天真了。
Later on, I discovered how naive that notion was.
有些时候，我以为自己在倾听、理解、调和；可在对方那里，这可能只是认错、退让、媾和。双方使用的语言看似相同，底层逻辑却完全不同。我也开始意识到，社交媒体上的很多表达，本来就不是为了客观评价，而是为了宣泄情绪、确认立场、寻找同盟。如果一个人已经习惯把亲密关系放进“受害者与施害者”的叙事里，那么我再怎么解释自己，都很容易被预设成需要被审判的一方。
At times, I thought I was listening, understanding, and reconciling; yet to the other party, it might have registered merely as admitting fault, conceding ground, and appeasement. While both sides ostensibly used the same vocabulary, the underlying logic was entirely divergent. I also came to realize that much of the discourse on social media was never meant for objective evaluation, but for venting emotion, staking out dogma, and rallying allies. If a person has grown accustomed to framing intimate relationships within the narrative of “victim and perpetrator,” then no matter how I explain myself, I am easily pre-assigned to the role of the party awaiting trial.
这不是说所有人都如此，而是我确实撞上过这样的冰山。更可怕的是，在撞上之前，我甚至不知道它一直在那里。我以前可能只是比较幸运。最主要交往过的几位女生，基本没有让我正面面对这种冲突。直到后来，我才发现自己一直忽略了一整块海面之下的东西。
This is not to say that everyone is like this, but I did indeed collide with such an iceberg. What was even more terrifying was that before the collision, I did not even know it had been looming there all along. In the past, perhaps I had simply been lucky. The primary women I dated rarely forced me to confront this brand of friction head-on. Only later did I discover that I had neglected an entire sunken continent beneath the surface of the sea.
未来还会不会撞上类似的冰山，我不知道。希望全球变暖导致冰川加速崩塌的进程，是可逆转的吧。总之，我的真心现在确实变成稀缺品了。
Whether I will collide with similar icebergs in the future, I do not know. One can only hope that the process of accelerated glacial collapse triggered by global warming is somehow reversible. In any case, my sincerity has indeed become an exceedingly scarce commodity now.
我不再轻易投入，也不再期待高回报。低投入，低回报，低风险，低期待。我愿称之为我目前的躺平式恋爱形态。
I no longer invest readily, nor do I anticipate high returns. Low investment, low return, low risk, low expectation. I would venture to call this my current form of lying-flat romance.