离题集 2026 Oracle Digressions 2026 第 05 篇 Section 05
四月 “一定要来哦！” April: “Be Sure to Come!”
返回 离题集 2026 Back to Oracle Digressions 2026远在日本的老友发来消息，问我需不需要代购几本写真集。我稍加思忖列出几个名字，却愕然发现其中没有新有菜的最新踪迹。循着日本网站的蛛丝马迹搜寻，才得知她在上个月已经注销了X账号。十年的女优生涯就此画上句号，一位身处行业顶流的偶像，以如此决绝的姿态切断所有联系回归素人，也宣告着一个时代的彻底终结。
An old friend far away in Japan sent me a message asking whether I needed him to pick up a few photobooks for me. After a moment’s reflection, I listed several names, only to discover with astonishment that there was no trace of any recent release from Arina Arata. Tracing faint clues across Japanese websites, I learned that she had deleted her X account the previous month. Thus came to an end a ten-year career as an actress; an idol at the very zenith of the industry had severed all ties in such an uncompromising manner to return to ordinary life, marking the definitive conclusion of an era.
偶然刷到B站那期《茶花女的谢幕：有菜的自卑与删推退网的抉择》，看着看着竟不禁湿了眼眶。曾以为她不过是我大一大二时最青睐的业界偶像，仅此而已，却未曾预料，她的离去会引发我如此剧烈的阵痛。最让我难受的，是我完全没有参与到她最后的告别中。这多像我在现实亲密关系里的一场隐喻：总有着热烈的开局，却往往以虎头蛇尾的退缩收场。我不懂得如何好好结束，总是在最该郑重说再见的时候缺席，把所有的遗憾、不解和没说出口的话，都堆砌在日记本的角落里。
Happening upon the Bilibili video titled The Curtain Call of La Dame aux Camélias: Arina’s Inferiority Complex and the Choice to Delete Her Twitter and Retire, my eyes welled up with tears as I watched. I had once assumed she was merely my favorite industry idol during my freshman and sophomore years, nothing more. I had never anticipated that her departure would stir such an acute, throbbing ache within me. What grieved me most was that I had played no part whatsoever in her final farewell. How closely this mirrored an overarching metaphor in my real-world intimate relationships: always beginning with fiery intensity, yet so often petering out in anti-climactic retreat. I never learned how to end things gracefully. I was forever absent at the very moments when a solemn goodbye was called for, letting every regret, confusion, and unspoken word pile up in the forgotten corners of my journals.
朋友常打趣我，说我分手后依然暗自留意初恋的动态。过去我不明白自己到底在执着什么，直到有菜这次决绝的“断联”刺痛了我，我才恍然大悟：那其实是我自我构建的一套“情感延续机制”。作为一个习惯于将一切妥帖记录、存档的人，我试图通过单方面的注视和保留痕迹，去营造一种关系还在延续的错觉，以此来逃避真正的失去。但有菜干脆利落的退网，毫不留情地击碎了我的幻想。当一切痕迹被抹除，这套机制彻底失效，我终于被逼到了不得不面对“失去”本身，必须赤裸裸地去面对“分别”本身带来的、无从逃避的痛苦。
Friends often tease me for quietly keeping tabs on my first love’s updates long after we broke up. In the past, I never understood what I was clinging to, until Arina’s resolute severance stung me awake: it was, in truth, an “emotional perpetuation mechanism” that I had constructed for myself. As someone accustomed to neatly documenting and archiving everything, I sought—through one-sided observation and the preservation of traces—to sustain an illusion that the relationship was still somehow ongoing, all to evade the reality of loss. But Arina’s swift and clean disappearance from the internet shattered my illusions without mercy. When every trace is erased and the mechanism fails completely, one is finally driven into a corner where one must confront “loss” itself, stripped bare before the inescapable agony of parting.
宣布退役的前一年，有菜曾对粉丝说：“我希望大家把所有的爱在这一年都给我，一定要来哦！”她或许并不真正热爱那份职业，她只是眷恋并放不下那些毫无保留的爱意。如果终有一别，把落幕放在爱意最鼎盛的时候，不留余地地转身，其实是一种极大的勇敢。
A year before announcing her retirement, Arina told her fans: “I hope everyone gives me all their love this year—be sure to come!” Perhaps she never truly loved the profession itself; she was simply enamored of, and reluctant to let go of, that unreserved devotion. If a parting is inevitable, to bring down the curtain at the absolute crest of love and turn away without hesitation is, in reality, an act of immense bravery.
“三幻神”的时代悄然结束，而我也即将迎来自己本科生涯的毕业与告别。别总奢望着“下一次”能做到更好，人生里与某些人的一别，或许就是永远。学会接受毫无缓冲的失去，并在失去前倾尽全力去爱、去告别，或许就是这场谢幕教会我的事。这份隐秘而私人的喜欢，连同这份痛感，都会被我长久地留在记忆里吧。
The era of the “Three God Cards” has quietly closed, and I, too, am approaching the graduation and farewell of my undergraduate life. Stop wishing that you will do better “next time”; in life, a parting from certain people may very well be forever. Learning to accept unbuffered loss, and to love and bid farewell with all one’s might before that loss arrives, is perhaps the lesson this final curtain call taught me. This secret, intensely personal affection, along with its sharp ache, will likely remain etched in my memory for a long time to come.
6.27 附记：几经辗转在Fanza上购买了Arina最后一期作品的纪念版，我机关算尽的自嘲下居然解锁了连Codex都难以言说的独特经验。
会推荐所有想了解她的人去听她最后在篝火旁的独白，在这个本科结束的日子会看这部作品的确是感慨万千，这千金散尽、浮花浪蕊的日子我也还没有满足啊！把几个月前写的一篇短文附在这里吧，希望Arina和我未来的人生都健康幸福。
June 27 Postscript: After much effort, I managed to purchase the memorial edition of Arina’s final release on Fanza. Beneath my calculating self-mockery, I actually unlocked a singular experience that even Codex would find difficult to put into words.
I would recommend that anyone who wishes to understand her listen to her final monologue beside the bonfire. Watching this work on the day my undergraduate journey comes to an end truly fills me with boundless emotion—even after pouring out thousands in gold and drifting through fleeting blossoms, I still have not had my fill of these days! Let me attach here a short essay written a few months ago. May both Arina and I live healthy and happy lives in the years ahead.