光阴集 2024 The Gilded Years 2024 第 10 篇 Section 10
十月 我摊开心中愁，你只见眼前秋 October: I Unfold the Sorrow in My Heart, You Only See the Autumn Before Your Eyes
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“秋风推开紧闭的门扉，阶前，秋水孟浪逼上眼；梧桐，吹乱漫身黄雨烟；归雁，揉碎无边艳阳天。” 又是一个推门而茫然的秋夜。
“Autumn wind pushes open tightly shut doors; before the steps, autumn waves crash boldly into view; plane trees stir a smoky swirl of yellow autumn rain; returning geese shred the boundless sunny sky.” Yet another autumn night where I push open the door only to be greeted by bewildered emptiness.
近来重拾六级备考，偶然发现一个别致的词：pragmatic（务实的）。回顾生日前后时局的种种变迁：养老金改革、大规模救市、房地产动荡、A股飙升、延迟退休、巴以危机一年纪念等，种种剧变，仿佛在层层叩击我对于学习、交友、消费的看法。这个世界越来越是一个“赢者通吃”的舞台，“宁缺毋滥”四字，如今格外耀眼地浮现在脑海中。
Recently, resuming my preparations for the CET-6 English exam, I stumbled across a distinctive word: pragmatic. Reflecting on the kaleidoscopic shifts surrounding my birthday—pension reforms, massive market bailouts, real estate turbulence, skyrocketing A-shares, delayed statutory retirement, the first anniversary of the Israeli-Palestinian crisis—these tremors seemed to hammer rhythmically against my views on learning, socializing, and consumption. The world increasingly resembles a winner-takes-all arena, and the four characters ning que wu lan—“preferring to go without rather than settle for the deficient”—flare with dazzling clarity in my mind.
又长了一岁，的确更应当认真打理自己的生活。生活，由时间、金钱、健康、人际四大部分组成，无一例外。这四者既是起点，又是意义。比如，我投入时间（或许还包括健康与人际）来学习，为的是将来能有更多的金钱；我花钱购买Apple Watch，为了更好地检测健康状况，从而更高效地管理时间；甚至用金钱去生钱（如投资股市），通过朋友拓展新的社交圈，好好休闲亦是把“原始时间”投入换取“美好时间”的一种方式。然而，过多侧重某一要素，总是有失偏颇的。
Another year older, I truly ought to manage my life with greater diligence. Life consists, without exception, of four pillars: time, money, health, and interpersonal relationships. These four serve simultaneously as origins and objectives. For instance, I invest time (and perhaps a fraction of health and relationships) into study in order to have more money in the future; I buy an Apple Watch to better monitor biometric health, thereby managing time more efficiently; I even deploy money to generate money (investing in stocks) or expand social circles through friends; leisure itself is simply a mechanism for converting “raw time” into “blissful time.” Yet disproportionately weighting any single pillar inevitably invites distortion.
不知从何时起，我喜欢将身边的事物量化，或许是因为AlphaGo的启发——连复杂如围棋都能量化每步胜率，我的生活当然也可以尝试量化管理。可能大多数女生更倾向感性，因此对这种思维有所抗拒。但我始终对技术抱持乐观，实际上，单纯因技术而产生的无解问题几乎不存在。譬如韩国的N号房事件，本质上仍是人的问题（包括犯罪者本身、平台监控不力、法律法规漏洞等），一味指责技术不过是推脱责任的借口罢了。
I cannot pinpoint when I began quantifying the phenomena around me, perhaps inspired by AlphaGo—if something as labyrinthine as Go can have its winning probabilities quantified at every turn, I can certainly try managing my life quantitatively. Most women may tilt toward intuition, thereby harboring resistance toward this mentality. Yet I maintain steadfast optimism toward technology; in truth, intractable dilemmas born purely of technology scarcely exist. The Nth Room case in South Korea, for instance, remained fundamentally a human crisis (the perpetrators themselves, lax platform oversight, statutory loopholes); heaping total blame onto technology is merely a scapegoat for evading moral responsibility.
而生活中的“信息茧房”也并非喊几句口号就能打破。眼下诺奖即将揭晓，除了残雪和村上春树的些许讨论，剩下便是霉霉的话题了。这是因为优秀的作家匮乏了吗？当然不是，而是大众的文学边界止步于此，难以形成广泛的讨论声量。然而，社交平台需要这种热度，因此纯文学天然不具备社交属性。同样的逻辑，流行音乐之外的音乐也难逃边缘化的命运。
Nor can the “information cocoons” of daily existence be shattered by merely chanting slogans. With the Nobel Prize announcements imminent, apart from a little discussion of Can Xue and Haruki Murakami, the remaining talk was about Taylor Swift. Is it because brilliant writers have become scarce? Of course not; it is because the literary horizon of the general public ends there, unable to coalesce into a widespread collective resonance. Yet social media platforms thirst for viral volume, rendering pure literature inherently bereft of social currency. By the same logic, music residing outside mainstream pop cannot escape the fate of marginalization.
最近一季，倒是蛮喜欢Celine的修身款型，但Celine在LVMH公司内已被LV、Dior远远抛下。这也许是因为Celine的版型难以满足年轻人对舒适度的需求了。人们期望从时尚中找到最直观的社交价值，因此信息茧房在社交层面是必然的产物，却不必然影响文化本身。归根结底，手机模糊了社交与文化的界限，而这种局面只能靠自我慢慢修正。
This season, I rather fancied Celine’s slim silhouettes, yet within the LVMH empire, Celine has been left far behind by Louis Vuitton and Dior. Perhaps Celine’s tailoring can no longer cater to the youth’s premium on relaxed comfort. People yearn to extract immediate, frictionless social capital from fashion; hence information cocoons are an inevitable byproduct on the social plane, without necessarily affecting culture itself. Ultimately, smartphones have blurred the boundary between social interaction and culture, a predicament that can only be recalibrated gradually through individual discipline.
譬如K-pop，它就是一种因移动互联网而生的，披着文化外衣的社交产品。显而易见，十年前我看姐姐追星的模样，和如今我自己追星的方式与关注点已大相径庭。明了这一层，便会理解为何主唱类爱豆的人气普遍不及主舞，甚至“实力”一词变得无关紧要，毕竟社交无关对错，重要的是带给每个人的观感体验。
Take K-pop: it is fundamentally a social product born of the mobile internet, cloaked in the aesthetic mantle of culture. Clearly, the way I witnessed my older sister stan idols a decade ago bears almost no resemblance to how I follow idols and where my attention lies today. Grasping this reality demystifies why main-vocal idols are generally less popular than main dancers, to the point where “raw talent” becomes largely inconsequential; after all, socialization is indifferent to objective right and wrong—what matters is the experience each person has of it.
这般絮絮叨叨，皆是国庆假期卧病在床的随想罢了。所有的思绪，若脱离了生活实际，无非是呓语一场；若无人共享，不过是自赏孤芳。如今，我正努力掩藏这分“文艺”的一面。并不是因为我厌弃它，而是我越来越明白，它只是我最显而易见的外表之一，却绝非全部的自己。不知道从什么时候开始，能给机械生活注入润滑剂的，只剩下上面这些零碎的文字。换个角度讲，即使只剩我一个人，我也仍然可以把自己安顿得很好。想到这里，我又开始为自己感到自豪。
All these ramblings are merely the bedridden musings of an autumn National Day holiday struck down by illness. All contemplation divorced from material realities is nothing more than sleep-talk; shared with no one, it is only solitary self-appreciation. Today, I labor to veil this “literary” dimension of myself. Not out of shame or rejection, but because I see with mounting clarity that it is merely one of my most conspicuous facades, never the sum of who I am. I cannot remember when these fragmented scribbles became the sole lubricant capable of keeping this mechanical existence running. Seen from another angle, even if left entirely on my own, I remain capable of settling myself well. Thinking of this, pride swells within me once again.
但若有人能摊见我心中愁思，共解我百转忧愁，这个秋天，大概会更平和许多吧。
Yet, if someone could truly unfold the sorrows in my heart and untangle the labyrinth of my grief, this autumn would probably be much more peaceful.