搏斗集 2023 Struggle on the Cliff’s Edge 2023 第 10 篇 Section 10
十月 去钓那只大马林鱼吧！ October: Go Catch That Giant Marlin!
返回 搏斗集 2023 Back to Struggle on the Cliff’s Edge 2023刚上大学的时候，前女友问我，在大学什么样的人算幸福？我回答说“自洽”。但是现在看“自洽”是很难真正达成的吧。很多时候，只是没有经历社会的毒打，只是表面上光鲜。我截止到2022年6月，除了学习高中为止的知识以外，其他的能力少之又少。大一这一年，我学了很多，但还远远不够。
When I first entered university, my ex-girlfriend asked me what kind of person counts as happy in college. I answered, “Self-consistent.” But viewing it now, true “self-consistency” is exceptionally arduous to achieve. More often than not, one simply hasn’t suffered the brutal beatings of society, basking in a purely cosmetic gloss. As of June 2022, aside from mastering high school curriculum knowledge, my other life competencies were pitifully scarce. Throughout freshman year, I learned a tremendous amount, yet it remains nowhere near enough.
我要时刻保持向“系统外看看”的能力，比如说一道题写在试卷上，“高考系统”给我们营造了一个“答题世界”，在这个世界里，这道题具有一定的重要性。那么，当我们走出了这个世界，进入了新的世界，就必须快速适应新系统，甚至探出这个系统看看，毕竟所有系统都是有局限的。所以我一直秉持一点，当我对一个东西太熟悉了之后，要时时警惕，时不时抬起头看看。
I must perpetually maintain the capacity to “peer outside the system.” For instance, when a question is inscribed upon an exam paper, the “Gaokao system” constructs a self-contained “problem-solving universe” where this specific problem has a certain importance. Yet once we step out of that sphere and cross into a new world, we must swiftly adapt to the new framework, and even peek outside of it—for all systems, without exception, have their inherent boundaries. Hence, I hold fast to one principle: whenever I become too comfortable with something, I must sound the alarm and regularly lift my head to survey the horizon.
怎么去用好本科的时间，去向各个方向伸展，是我要去研究的，在此之前，妄议生活的意义似乎本身就没有什么意义了。成年之后的世界往往伴随着纠结和别扭，小心翼翼，瞻前顾后，一次又一次的试探，互相猜测，不敢全力以赴，既想要一个好的结果，又因为害怕受伤而有所保留。一方面觉得自己生而不凡，另一方面又担心自己在不久的将来彻底泯然众人，无人问津。
How to make the most of these undergraduate years, branching out in every direction, is the central puzzle I must solve; prior to this, idle ruminations on the meaning of life seem utterly meaningless in themselves. The adult world is often filled with agonizing hesitation and awkwardness: walking on eggshells, agonizing over consequences, testing the waters again and again, second-guessing each other, dreading wholehearted surrender—craving an ideal resolution, yet withholding commitment out of fear of getting scorched. On one hand feeling born for greatness, on the other fearing that in the near future one will sink into complete anonymity, neglected by all.
这也许就是属于我20岁的带点青涩的成熟，有些事情看懂了，理解了，也就没有曾经的那种坦诚、勇敢和放手一搏的勇气了。道阻且长…
总之，向外探索总比自我完善有意义。
Perhaps this is the bittersweet, slightly green maturity belonging to me at twenty: once certain matters are seen through and comprehended, one loses that former candor, fearlessness, and the reckless courage to gamble everything. The road is blocked and arduous…
In any case, exploring outward is more meaningful than self-improvement.