搏斗集 2023 Struggle on the Cliff’s Edge 2023 第 09 篇 Section 09
九月 贰拾岁，海岸的另一边 September: Twenty: On the Other Side of the Coast
返回 搏斗集 2023 Back to Struggle on the Cliff’s Edge 2023我已经夺取了许多曾经归于上帝和佛陀的权力。满怀恐惧，毫无准备，我已经僭取了我的小世界里所有生物的生杀大权。危险、光荣和选择最终取决于我。我是否能达到完美，考验就在眼前，我只能从自身中寻找以往向神祈求的责任和智慧。我本身成了我最大的危险和唯一的希望。
I have seized many powers once reserved for God and the Buddha. Fraught with terror, utterly unprepared, I have usurped sovereignty over the life and death of every creature within my miniature cosmos. Danger, glory, and choice ultimately rest upon me alone. Whether I can attain perfection—the ordeal looms right before my eyes; I can only dredge from within myself the responsibility and wisdom I once beseeched of the divine. I myself have become my greatest hazard and my only hope.
我用外物的丰盈掩盖观念的缺少和信仰的衰退；我用跳跃的思辨自欺浅薄的摄取和寡智的论争；我不认识我每天早上醒来的样子；我模糊地向死亡又迈进了一步，但又如何呢？
I employ the abundance of external artifacts to conceal the bankruptcy of concepts and the decay of faith; I employ acrobatic dialectics to deceive myself regarding my shallow intake and feeble debates; I fail to recognize what I look like when I wake up each morning; I have stepped blindly one pace closer to mortality—yet what of it?
是的，人们会遗忘我，正如遗忘2023年某一天发生的所有事一样。这是生活，毫无办法。今天我觉得重要、严肃、后果严重的事情，总会有它们被人忘记、不再重要的时候。但有趣的是，我今天无法知道它们在一个被视为伟大而重要的，或者平庸而可笑的日子里会是什么样子……也可能这种我今天赞同的生活，有朝一日会被视为离奇、少智、不洁的。谁知道呢，甚至可能是罪恶的。
Yes, people will forget me, just as they forget everything that transpired on any random day in 2023. Such is life; there is no remedy. The matters I deem momentous, grave, and fraught with severe consequence today will inevitably encounter an hour when they are forgotten, when they matter no longer. Yet the curious irony is that today, I have no way of knowing how they will look when viewed from a day hailed as historic and momentous, or mundane and laughable… It is entirely possible that this manner of living I endorse today will one day be branded bizarre, foolish, or unclean. Who can say? Perhaps even sinful.
因此，在今天，使者圣约翰的话完全可以译成这样：最终是言词，言词是人，言词与人同在。毕竟，天地寂寥，朝露昙花，浮生一芥子而已。无论我是普罗米修斯还是奥德修斯，阿特拉斯还是忒修斯，我就是我，我也许会骄傲、贪婪、愤怒、妒忌、懒惰，至少在当下，浮生芥子如我，亦是自己的上帝。
Therefore, on this day, the proclamation of Saint John the Evangelist might well be translated thus: In the end was the Word, and the Word was Man, and the Word was with Man. After all, heaven and earth are desolate; morning dew and night-blooming cereus—transient life is but a solitary mustard seed. Whether I am Prometheus or Odysseus, Atlas or Theseus, I am who I am. I may be proud, avaricious, wrathful, envious, and indolent; yet at least in this fleeting present, a mustard seed though I may be, I am my own God.
20岁的第一个昼夜，祝我生日快乐。
To the first day and night of being twenty: happy birthday to me.
附：二十岁：戏幕拉开
Appendix: At Twenty: The Curtain Rises
首先是混沌，巨大旷阔的深渊
愤怒如海，黑暗、广阔、狂野
我像飞鸟般迅速掠过海洋和陆地
像藤蔓般绕着院墙窥探、生长
我不再期盼二分心智下的Aphrodite
不再敬畏Hera与 Medusa的恩赐
直到我尝试去了解
直到疯狂的怒火熄灭
啊！Dionysus的信徒！来吧！
我已成为了自我的弑神者…
魔鬼要把我们中几个人下在监里，
叫我们被试炼，我们必受患难十日，
然我终将被赐予那生命的冠冕。
戏幕拉开了。
First came Chaos, a vast and yawning chasm
Fury surged like an ocean—dark, immense, and wild
Like a bird I swept swiftly across seas and continents
Like ivy I coiled around courtyard walls, peering and climbing
I no longer yearn for Aphrodite born of the bicameral mind
No longer stand in awe before the bounties of Hera and Medusa
Until I ventured to comprehend
Until the frenzied blaze burned down to embers
Ah! Disciples of Dionysus! Come forth!
I have become the slayer of my own gods…
The devil shall cast some of us into prison,
That we may be tested, and suffer tribulation ten days,
Yet in the end I shall be bestowed the crown of life.
The curtain has risen.