搏斗集 2023 Struggle on the Cliff’s Edge 2023 第 06 篇 Section 06
五-六月 焦虑的期末月两篇 May–June: Two Pieces on End-of-Term Anxiety
返回 搏斗集 2023 Back to Struggle on the Cliff’s Edge 2023本文目录 Contents
上篇 大海的形而上学 Part One: The Metaphysics of the Sea
好喜欢在细碎嘈杂的日常下平静安稳的温暖，把时间揉进街道，抖落阳光的细尘。好喜欢大海，好喜欢好喜欢，辽远而温柔的粉蓝，令人安心的浪声和粼粼的水光。
How I cherish the tranquil, reassuring warmth nestled beneath the clamor of trivial routines: kneading time into city pavements, shaking loose the golden dust of sunlight. How I love the sea—truly, madly love it: the vast, tender pastel blue, the calming murmur of waves, and the shimmering ribbons of watery light.
高二的国旗下讲话听卫校长讲到范仲淹在《灵乌赋》的一个句子，印象尤深——“宁鸣而死，不默而生”！看不惯的就会想发声，感觉不合理的决不会苟同，否则就失去了自我，失去了个性。这在当时我的小世界里如同一颗惊雷，炸醒当时浑浑噩噩的我。如今年岁渐长，我已经被生活磨平了一些棱角，但还是希望未来的我能激浊扬清，坚定地辐射属于我的光，照亮别人的世界。
During a flag-raising speech in eleventh grade, I heard Principal Wei cite a line from Fan Zhongyan’s “Ode to the Spiritual Crow,” which burned an indelible impression into my memory: “Better to cry out and die, than keep silent and live!” When witnessing injustice, one must speak out; when perceiving absurdity, one must never fall in line—otherwise, the self is extinguished and individuality obliterated. Back then, within my sheltered world, this struck like a thunderclap, violently jarring my groggy soul awake. Now, as the years accumulate, life has sanded down some of my sharp corners, yet I still hope my future self can purify the turbid and champion the luminous, resolutely radiating my own light to illuminate the universes of others.
“虽然艰辛，但我还是会选择滚烫的人生。”努力终有回报是每个人心中的渴望，但是在回报尚未到来时“意义何在”这个问题太难回答。我们能做的，也只有忘却，然后等待白昼的到来。正如西西弗斯日复一日推举峭壁上的巨石，向高处攀登这个过程本身就令人心安，这个过程本身就是意义，由此便可以蔑视命运的阻力。
“Though grueling, I would still choose a scalding life.” That diligent toil will ultimately bear fruit is a universal human longing; yet before that recompense arrives, the question “what is the point?” is excruciatingly difficult to answer. All we can do is forget, and await the arrival of broad daylight. Just as Sisyphus hoists the boulder up the cliff day after day, the very process of ascending toward the heights brings solace; the process itself is the meaning, and from it one can defy the resistance of fate.
说到底，世人眼里的“纯粹”到底是什么呢？剖析开来，无非还是功利主义和工具理性那一套，既然出发点和落脚点还是功利，那就称不上“纯粹”，纯粹的功利在我这里不是纯粹。总之一句话，别对别人的人生指手画脚。
When all is said and done, what is this “purity” the world prattles about? Dissected honestly, it is nothing more than utilitarian calculation and instrumental rationality dressed in Sunday clothes. If both the point of departure and the destination remain utilitarian payoff, it hardly warrants the name of “purity”; pure utility, in my lexicon, is not purity. In short: keep your hands off other people’s lives.
在纷扰的现在，明确自己想要什么，这也是一种莫大的能力。
Amid the bewildering present, possessing absolute clarity about what one truly desires is an immense, sovereign capability.
也许，世界上没有比大海更好的形而上学。生活不提供目的，忙碌不提供目的，忙碌生活不提供目的。去无目的地生活，这便是生活最好的目的。
Perhaps there is no finer metaphysics in this world than the sea. Life offers no teleological purpose; busyness offers no purpose; a busy life offers no purpose. To live without a predetermined destination—that is the highest purpose life can ever bestow.
下篇 夜晚侵吞的小孩 Part Two: The Child Devoured by the Night
爱上了通宵。没有群通知的消息，没有信息流推送，没有窗外的众声喧哗五光十色，只有我和我的咖啡、日记、书籍，记录我些微的心流，反省我一周的得失。
I have fallen in love with pulling all-nighters. No notifications pinging from group chats, no algorithmic feeds shoved into my vision, no gaudy neon or clamorous chatter outside the windowpane—only me, my coffee, my journals, and my books, recording my subtle micro-currents of flow, reflecting upon the gains and losses of the week.
一直担心自己成为思想孤单的人。当初上大学也是基于这种想法，希望通过吸收各个领域的知识丰富自己。然而专业课和其他知识的时间到底如何分配呢？甚至从小养成的爱看书的习惯也逐渐动摇了。
I have always dreaded becoming an intellectually solitary creature. Entering university was partly animated by this desire: hoping to enrich my spirit by absorbing knowledge across diverse realms. Yet how does one realistically apportion hours between departmental requirements and extracurricular curiosity? Even the habit of loving books that I developed in childhood has begun to waver.
挺唏嘘的，初中三年完全是我“野蛮生长”的三年。那么小年纪就住宿，父母对我的影响显著减少，时间充裕，我所有好的与不好的天性都被释放……怀念那一段时光！
It stirs a heavy sigh: my three years of middle school were a period of unbridled, feral growth. Boarding at such a tender age, my parents’ influence diminished noticeably, hours were boundless, and all my instincts—the sublime and the unruly alike—were set loose… How I miss that epoch!
有朋友说我失去了一些灵气，真要说我失去了什么，我可能失去了中学那样不计后果开拓边界的闯劲。也许灵气不可避免地少了，但希望我的目光能一如既往地坚定吧。
A friend observed that I have lost a fraction of my spiritual spark. If pressed on what I truly surrendered, it is likely that reckless audacity from middle school to push past boundaries without calculating the costs. Perhaps that ethereal spark has inevitably dimmed, yet I hope my gaze remains as unshakably resolute as ever.
经常会纠结于一个问题：聪明人的自我评价通常并不满足，因为随着层次的提升，达成自我实现的门槛也在变高。究竟要不要降低对自己的要求？若是享受表象而内心清醒，那只是极致的孤独。
在自设的思想岔道上一路狂奔，客观理念早已跟不上脚步，因此前路也是一片虚无……打开笼子，只是一个瞬间交换而已。
I constantly agonize over a dilemma: the self-appraisals of intelligent individuals are rarely self-satisfied, because as one’s horizons ascend, the threshold for self-actualization climbs in lockstep. Should one intentionally lower the bar? Savoring the superficial facade while remaining lucent within is nothing less than utter loneliness.
Galloping full throttle down a self-constructed intellectual crossroad, empirical realities have long lagged behind my strides, rendering the road ahead an empty void… Unlocking the cage is merely an instantaneous transaction.
我缺少一面镜子。
I lack a mirror.
或许，还是当一只苏格拉底的猪快乐。
Perhaps it is happier, after all, to be Socrates’ pig.