苇草集 2022 Reeds in the Wind 2022 第 04 篇 Section 04
三月 充分的担当，单纯的信仰 March: Full Responsibility, Pure Faith
返回 苇草集 2022 Back to Reeds in the Wind 2022“我是太阳，太阳只要将自己燃烧殆尽，就知道远近四方，不可能会有光了。她突然想去看稻田，田野上夕阳沉落，一片金黄。”
“I am the sun; as long as the sun burns itself out, it knows that near and far, in all four directions, there can be no light left. Suddenly she felt like going to see the rice fields, where the setting sun sank upon the plains, bathed in a sea of gold.”
中考考完后，在暑假那个下午我坐在回忆里怔怔地望着窗外，想起来上课的时候写过的小说、发过的呆、看着窗边蓝色的窗帘忽起忽落，起起伏伏的像是我整个义务教育过程中难以定义的成绩，电线杆上休憩的小鸟、学校里不知名的花、早自习时树影婆娑，风影摇曳地投在黑板上，还有晚自习时低声惊呼的晚霞、考试传过的纸条、前桌女神笑着转头递来的零食……
On an afternoon during the summer vacation after the high school entrance examination, I sat steeped in memory, staring blankly out the window. I recalled the novels scribbled in class, the zoning out, watching the blue curtains by the window rise and fall—fluttering up and down like the undefinable grades throughout my compulsory education—the birds resting on telephone poles, the nameless blossoms around campus, the mottled shadows of trees during early morning self-study swaying across the blackboard, the sunset glows that prompted hushed gasps during evening study, the secret notes passed during exams, and the front-row goddess turning around with a smile to hand me snacks…
那时低头排兵布阵，放眼纵横捭阖。说着“须知少年凌云志，曾许人间第一流。”所念所想，皆是未来。
Back then, we bowed our heads to arrange troops and dispatch pawns, lifting our gaze to strategize across horizons. Quoting lines like “Know that youth harbors soaring ambitions, having once sworn to walk among the world’s foremost,” every thought and dream belonged to the future.
却也都是那时，然后就没有然后了，以前总觉得所有的事情都会有始有终，就像云卷云舒，日升日落一样。原来更多的事情是这样的，无疾而终，草率的像是一部拦腰而斩的烂尾小说。
Yet that was only then, and after that, there was no “after that.” I used to believe that all things possessed a beginning and an end, just like clouds coiling and unfurling, or the sun rising and setting. As it turns out, far more things in life simply peter out without conclusion, as perfunctory as a botched novel sliced in half midway.
张爱玲的人生三恨分别为一恨鲥鱼多刺，二恨海棠无香，三恨红楼未完。而我的初中三恨，一恨年一不成，二恨表白未竟，三恨读书无时。怀念那个月光下酒、刀剑如梦的快意年代，最浪漫的东西永远是那逝者如斯夫…
Eileen Chang’s three regrets in life were: first, that the shad is too bony; second, that the crabapple has no scent; and third, that Dream of the Red Chamber was left unfinished. My three middle school regrets were: first, failing to achieve first place in the grade; second, a romantic confession left unfinished; and third, never having enough time to read. How I miss that exhilarating time of taking moonlight as wine, with swords like a dream; the most romantic thing of all will forever be that which flows endlessly away like the river…
我转头看着繁花开遍，仔细想一想：
其实过去很久了吗？
倒也没有。
但是过去了吗？
过去了。
I turn my head to gaze upon the blossoming flowers and ponder carefully:
Has a long time truly passed?
Not really.
Yet has it passed?
Yes, it has.
高中也要过去了，
试着不留下初中一样的遗憾吧。
High school, too, is about to pass;
let us strive not to leave behind the same regrets as middle school.
未了。
Not yet finished.