离题集 2026 Oracle Digressions 2026 第 02 篇 Section 02
一月 杂思三则 January: Three Miscellaneous Reflections
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（1）半梦半醒的生活 A Life Half-Asleep, Half-Awake
半梦半醒间惊觉本科四年都是在一个人学习的状态里煎熬。高考前这种转变已有眉目：高三下学期老师的作用减少，加上半数同学前往园区校，人生中首次对我正式提出适应一个人学习的要求（以前寒暑假的玩耍回学校后就能修复），而在高考我也受到了人生中第一个大挫折，相比与其有些许联系。
Half asleep and half awake, I suddenly realized that the entire four years of my undergraduate life had been spent struggling in a state of studying alone. The transition had already begun before the Gaokao. During the second semester of senior year, teachers gradually became less important, and half of my classmates moved to the Industrial Park campus. For the first time in my life, I was formally required to adapt to studying alone. In the past, any disorder caused by playing around during winter or summer vacation could be repaired as soon as I returned to school. At the same time, the Gaokao dealt me the first major setback of my life. The two may have been somewhat connected.
而到了大学，我自视住宿经验甚为丰富，却没想到大学与中学在生活层面最重大的区别：个人生活比重的急剧增长，个人生活最重要的是建立自己的生活习惯（比如吃饭、睡觉、学习范式等），但我在威海不自觉地陷入了放纵。或许我不断寻找新的情感，也是潜意识里在寻找打破个人生活的机会。个人生活的失调直接导致了正反馈的缺失，在校的整体状态遂陷入了恶性循环。
When I entered university, I considered myself quite experienced at living away from home. Yet I had not anticipated the greatest difference between university and secondary school at the level of everyday life: the dramatic increase in the proportion of life that became purely personal. The most important part of an individual life is establishing one’s own habits—how to eat, sleep, study, and organize one’s routines. But in Weihai, I unconsciously slipped into self-indulgence. Perhaps my repeated search for new emotional attachments was also, at some subconscious level, an attempt to find opportunities to break through the isolation of personal life. Once my personal life fell out of balance, positive feedback disappeared, and my overall condition at university entered a vicious cycle.
（2）享乐主义的破产 The Bankruptcy of Hedonism
我在读本科时完全以“不挂科+顺利毕业”为主线任务，没有探索自己兴趣爱好，没有提升综合能力，没有找到目标职业，没有提前给毕业时的自己准备plan A、plan B、plan C……毕业年参加校招（春招+秋招）时发现好岗位已经被有心之人通过暑期实习比毕业时间早一年拿到return offer而自己浑然不知暑期实习的重要性。
Throughout my undergraduate studies, I treated “not failing classes + graduating smoothly” as my sole primary quest. I failed to explore my genuine interests, neglected to build well-rounded competencies, identified no target career, and never bothered to prepare a Plan A, Plan B, or Plan C for myself upon graduation… When participating in campus recruitment during my graduation year (both spring and autumn cycles), I realized that desirable positions had already been locked down by proactive peers who secured return offers through summer internships a whole year ahead of graduation—while I had remained blissfully oblivious to the very importance of summer internships.
如今毕业即失业化身家里蹲每天为就业发愁，看到自媒体平台同龄年轻人光鲜亮丽的履历感觉自己第一个1/4人生白活了，就读时赚钱意识严重欠缺，不实习，一毕业就傻眼。惊觉在没有为社会创造价值之前，我们只不过是在通过一套套等级确认自己的地位与存在。所以我们可以明显看出在不同层次的高校学生的认知差异实质是价值确认的差异。
Now, graduating into immediate unemployment and turning into someone staying at home and worrying about finding work every day, scrolling through the dazzling resumes of peers on social media makes me feel as though the first quarter of my life was lived entirely in vain. During university, I had a severe lack of financial awareness; I didn’t intern, and upon graduating, I was caught completely off guard. It dawned on me that before we create real value for society, we are merely validating our status and existence through pre-packaged hierarchical ladders. Hence, the noticeable cognitive divergence among students from different tiers of universities is, in essence, a disparity in how value is validated.
老实讲，本科四年始终没有建立起高中那种在学业上并肩作战的战友情，反而是自我认定为小众哥，用一件件文化符号将自己的孤独消化。于是我在大学经常关心穿搭、审美等看似光鲜但细枝末节的事情，却既没有构建深厚社交圈，又没有将时间分配、吃饭、睡觉等等最基本的个人生活固定下来，最终导致学习效率的骤降，这也是我在家里一直面临的问题。以后研究生阶段，需要破釜沉舟的勇气去改变这四年来个人生活构建的缺失。
Frankly speaking, throughout those four undergraduate years, I never built the kind of shoulder-to-shoulder academic camaraderie that existed in high school. Instead, I cast myself as an eccentric “niche guy,” using one cultural symbol after another to digest my own isolation. Thus, during university, I preoccupied myself with outfits, aesthetics, and other seemingly glamorous yet peripheral trifles. I neither cultivated a deep social circle nor established the most fundamental routines of personal life—time management, regular meals, consistent sleep—which ultimately caused my study efficiency to plummet, an issue I continue to confront at home. In my upcoming graduate studies, it will take the resolute courage of burning all bridges behind me to remedy the absence of structure in my personal life over these four years.
（3）自身观测的坍缩 The Collapse of Self-Observation
现在我对于外界的信息的极度不对称导致了我观测世界角度的极化。拿认识女生来说，我在没有看到女生之前对她们的评价是较为负面的。然而在学校里面看到大长腿的北方女生就会嘖嘖称奇，瞬间会想要接近并认识她们。然而当认识她们之后，一看到她们使用的小红书微博等那种APP和所聊的那些话题，瞬间又会丧失兴趣，以至于我在厌恶与惊喜当中反复横跳，以至于失去了正常接近女生的心态。我把太多来自网络的信息当成了现实本身，把太多平台样本当成了人群全貌，把太多个人挫败上升成了时代结论。
Currently, the extreme asymmetry of external information has polarized the lens through which I observe the world. Take getting to know women as an example: before seeing them in person, my appraisals tend to be somewhat negative. Yet when I see long-legged northern girls on campus, I am struck with awe and an instant desire to approach and know them. But once I do, as soon as I notice them browsing apps like Xiaohongshu or Weibo and discussing those typical topics, my interest evaporates immediately. I find myself constantly oscillating between distaste and pleasant surprise, losing any grounded mindset for approaching women normally. I have mistaken too much online noise for reality itself, treated too many platform samples as the entirety of humanity, and elevated too many personal frustrations into sweeping generational verdicts.
我的眼睛在现实中看见一个具体的人，我的大脑却立刻调出一整套关于阶层、性别、消费和亲密关系衰败的理论。于是我不是在认识她，而是在用她验证我对世界的悲观。这就是自身观测的坍缩。
My eyes see a concrete human being in the physical world, but my brain immediately summons an entire theoretical apparatus regarding class, gender, consumerism, and the decay of intimate relations. Thus, I am not genuinely getting to know her; I am merely using her to validate my pessimism about the world. This is the collapse of self-observation.
值得注意的是，我在2025年至今就没有交过什么异性恋的女闺蜜了，当时认为是我交友策略的修改和效率的提升，现在看来只是我这方面的能力衰落所导致的必然结局。我对这方面是很悲观的，就是正如我不会期待有谁能够迅速地读懂我，我也不会特别自信，说能够很快地了解一个女生的前二十多年，所以说到以后的话，甚至只能用金钱为坐标来衡量了？说实话，我对这种物欲横流的表象下的了解还是太少了，以至于常常因此而错愕而畏缩不前。但现在时代的洪流滚滚向前，好像我也必须面对这方面的现实了。
Notably, since 2025, I have hardly made any new heterosexual female close friends. At the time, I attributed this to a refinement of my socializing strategy and an increase in efficiency; in retrospect, it was simply the inevitable outcome of the atrophy of my interpersonal capacities. I harbor a bleak outlook on this: just as I do not expect anyone to read me quickly, neither do I possess the confidence to claim that I can swiftly comprehend the first twenty-odd years of a woman’s life. Does that mean that going forward, things can only be measured against the metric of money? To be honest, I understand far too little beneath the surface of this consumerist tide, so much so that I often freeze in astonishment and shrink back. Yet now the torrent of the times rolls relentlessly forward, and it seems I must confront this reality head-on.
因为真正的成熟并不是更快地下判断，而是能够延迟判断。不是取消筛选，而是不让筛选毁掉观察。不是否认物质，而是不让物质成为唯一语言。不是假装自己不厌恶，而是知道厌恶从哪里来，并且不让厌恶替自己完成全部选择。
For genuine maturity does not lie in rendering faster judgments, but in the capacity to delay judgment. It is not about eliminating filtering, but about not letting filtering destroy observation. It is not about denying material reality, but about not letting material wealth become the sole language. It is not about pretending one feels no aversion, but about recognizing where the aversion originates and not allowing it to dictate every single choice.
也许接下来真正要做的，不是立刻找到什么理想对象，而是重新恢复一种正常观察人的能力。先不急着判断她是不是值得进入我的世界，而是看看她到底如何说话，如何花钱，如何对待朋友，如何处理压力，如何评价他人，如何面对自己的欲望和局限。也看看我自己能不能在不预设敌意的情况下，和一个女生自然地聊完十五分钟。这听起来很低级，甚至有些可笑。但也许这正是我现在需要重新学习的东西。否则，我所看到的永远不是世界本身。只是我自身观测坍缩之后，投射在世界表面的阴影。
Perhaps what really needs to be done next is not immediately hunting for some idealized partner, but restoring a normal capacity to observe people. Without rushing to decide whether she is worthy of entering my world, I should simply watch how she speaks, how she spends money, how she treats her friends, how she handles pressure, how she evaluates others, and how she faces her own desires and limitations. And I should see whether I can converse naturally with a girl for fifteen minutes without projecting preset hostility. This sounds rudimentary, perhaps even comical. But perhaps this is precisely what I need to relearn now. Otherwise, what I perceive will never be the world itself—only the shadow projected upon the surface of the world after my own observation has collapsed.