光阴集 2024 The Gilded Years 2024 第 02 篇 Section 02
一月 大丈夫何患无妻——《花束般的恋爱》观后感 January: A Real Man Never Lacks a Wife—Reflections on *We Made a Beautiful Bouquet*
返回 光阴集 2024 Back to The Gilded Years 2024高二到现在三年多的时间，我一直是在寻找初中乃至到高一的桃花源，即比较理想化的那种纯爱。但是我们也都知道，这种东西在现代社会上已不太可能了，我似乎一直是那个试图寻找桃花源的武陵人而已。
For more than three years, from my second year of senior high school to the present, I have been searching for the Peach Blossom Spring of my junior high and early senior high days—that is, an idealized pure romance. Yet we all know such a thing is scarcely possible in modern society; I seem to have merely been that fisherman from Wuling, perpetually questing after a mythic utopia.
我依旧待人真诚，只是远离，只是不再有期待。
I still treat others with sincerity; I simply keep my distance, simply harbor no further expectations.
我挺矛盾的：一方面我想要就是计算各种可能，然后试图让自己的恋爱达到一个最优解，但另一方面，我又很排斥那种女生用度量的方式来进行挑选伴侣的一个行为。我心中的标尺依旧很模糊，是一个感性的标尺，但是我却试图将其理性化，于是就导致我现在彷徨的一种错落感，一种落差感。
I am quite contradictory: on the one hand, I want to calculate the various possibilities and try to find the best possible outcome for my love life; on the other hand, I intensely dislike girls selecting partners by measuring them against criteria. The ruler in my heart remains blurry and emotional, yet I constantly try to rationalise it, resulting in my current disorientation—a sense of dislocation and discrepancy.
我不想和未来的她聊世俗，我想和她聊她的童年记忆，她的幸福时光和至暗时刻。想和她聊她是怎么一步一步走到今天，有哪些遗憾，错过了什么人，谁保护了她，她又感激谁，想和她聊她的故作坚强：她的谎言和逃避，她为了自保而不得已的小阴暗。想知道是哪句话给她力量支撑她走到今天，想和她聊她对未来的期盼。
I do not want to discuss worldly trivialities with my future partner. I want to talk about her childhood memories, her blissful hours, and her darkest nights. I want to know how she arrived at who she is today step by step, what regrets linger, who she lost, who sheltered her, and who commands her gratitude. I want to talk about her attempts to appear strong: her lies and evasions, the minor darkness she was forced to cultivate for self-preservation. I want to know what phrase granted her the strength to endure until today, and I want to hear what she dreams the future will hold.
至此，我才算浅薄地认识了她，了解了一点点她的来路和去处。
Only then could I claim even a superficial acquaintance with her, grasping just a sliver of where she came from and where she is headed.
我喜欢有深度和真诚的她，不喜欢没有瑕疵的她，我讨厌早安晚安式的闲谈，我想和她谈论大自然、死亡、性、世界、人类、智慧、生命意义、隐秘想法和她想过的理想人生、让她想跳舞的音乐、有趣的回忆。她说过的谎言、她的缺点、她最喜欢的气味、她的童年、让她彻夜难眠的东西、她的不安全感和恐惧。
I love a woman of depth and sincerity, not a woman of porcelain perfection. I detest the mindless chatter of “good morning” and “good night.” I want to converse with her about nature, death, sex, the world, humanity, wisdom, the meaning of existence, secret thoughts, and her vision of an ideal life; about music that makes her want to dance, and quirky memories; about the lies she told, her shortcomings, her favorite aromas, her childhood, the things that keep her awake all night, her insecurities, and her fears.
我喜欢她带着真实的情感说话，因为那是我要的有趣和血肉，而不是一直借助一些美好的事物和话语，伪装真实的自己从而表现得完美。这才是我关于爱的未来的她的详细备注。
I love it when she speaks with raw emotion, for that is the flesh, blood, and spark I crave—not using pretty facades and polished phrases to disguise her authentic self in an effort to appear flawless. That is my true, detailed note to the future woman I love.
我发现如今有一件很现实的事情：大部分女生无论条件出众与否，择偶标准都蛮高的：外貌，金钱，才华，人际，要有好几样优秀，她们才会真正的考虑我，才可能会对我产生爱情，女朋友带我出去才会觉得有面子。所谓我的细心，温柔这些优点，前提是我要达到上述的标准才行。大学剩下的日子里我不谈恋爱其实也没什么，但一定多把精力放在提升自己上，把值得的时间和物质给予对的人和事，毕竟我目前仍只是一个平平无奇的普通大学生。
I have noticed a very sober reality: most women, regardless of whether their own background is extraordinary, hold remarkably high criteria for partner selection. Looks, wealth, talent, social poise—one must excel in several of these before they will genuinely consider me, before romantic feelings can spark, and before taking me out in public feels face-saving for a girlfriend. My attentiveness, my tenderness—such virtues only count once the aforementioned prerequisites are fully satisfied. It really wouldn’t matter if I went without dating for the remainder of university; what matters is channeling my energy into self-improvement, bestowing precious time and resources onto the right people and causes. After all, at present, I am merely an unremarkable, ordinary college student.
作为男生，我没有取得世俗意义上的成功时，社会对男性的包容度就是很低，没有人听我的声音，没有人在乎我的意见，甚至女生们在择偶时会有种“我的品质是恶劣到只有老实可取”这样的错觉。从恋爱性别的角度上看，世界是丛林的，尤其对于男生。女生更能包容理解，但是女性的包容理解很少会给到异性，而是有先天的防备感，不信任感。我想，我逐渐理解那些不想谈恋爱的人的想法了……
As a young man, before achieving worldly success, society extends very little tolerance toward men: nobody listens to my voice, nobody cares about my opinion, and women in the dating market might even harbor the illusion that “my character is so deficient that only my honesty is redeemable.” From the perspective of gender in romantic relationships, the world is a jungle, especially for men. Women may possess greater capacity for acceptance and understanding, but that empathy is rarely extended across the gender aisle; instead, it is guarded by instinctual wariness and distrust. I think I am gradually beginning to understand why some choose to forgo dating altogether…
与之相比，阅读、音乐、电影……这种东西都是私人化的文化资本，都不是关键。其实恋爱能不能继续下去，关键点真的很少很少。文化是社会塑造的，尤其我们现在接触的大部分是快消性质的文化，现在我们的生活还算按部就班，真正到了社会要考虑的事情就更多了，谁来保证在学校里看似同频的我们，进入社会还能保持相同的节奏？难道要为了在学校里的几年欢愉，忍受下半生吗？爱情应该向更深处探索，他们和自己谈了三年的恋爱。
By contrast, reading, music, cinema… these are merely private cultural capital, not decisive factors. Whether a romance can endure actually hinges on remarkably few core elements. Culture is shaped by society, and most of what we consume today is fast-consumption culture. For now, our campus life still follows a predictable groove, but once thrust into the real world, there are more things to consider. Who can guarantee that two people seemingly on the same wavelength in school will maintain that synchronicity once out in society? Are we supposed to endure the rest of our lives simply for the sake of a few pleasant years on campus? Love must be explored at greater depths; they simply dated themselves for three years.
有必要做一点说明就是，虽然《花束般的恋爱》很乌托邦，但是这也说明了见面最起码要第一面，乃至第二面、第三面要互有好感。我说的利益交换也是要建立在互有好感、情投意合上的，而不是怀着别的心思的，就算是富婆包养也不要。现在看，一个具有发展空间的恋爱真的挺重要的，这也许就是我抵触《花束般的恋爱》的原因吧。我不明白为什么女主要自己别扭着。人变了分手不就好了？中间有什么隐情吗？我更好奇他们激情褪去之后的爱情是怎么样的。
A clarification is in order: although We Made a Beautiful Bouquet is utopian, it also demonstrates that meeting someone requires, at minimum, mutual attraction on at least the first encounter, or by the second or third. The mutual benefit I speak of must also be built upon mutual affection and spiritual compatibility, rather than hidden agendas; I wouldn’t accept being kept by a rich woman either. Looking back now, a romance endowed with room for future growth is genuinely crucial; perhaps that is why I bristled at We Made a Beautiful Bouquet. I don’t understand why the female lead made things so painfully awkward for herself. When people change, can’t they simply break up? Was there something else behind it? I am far more curious about what love looks like once the fireworks have fizzled out.
高二我也觉得“再谈不到高中恋爱就完蛋了”可是完蛋了又如何？结果来大学之后遇到的学姐都比高中的女生优秀。我过去没有把握住好的事物的能力，我要么缅怀过去，要么憧憬未来，哪怕过去不算美好，未来还尚渺茫。大三的我不会再这样下去了，我相信只要自己努力肯定会遇到更优秀合适的人的，大丈夫何患无妻！
In my second year of senior high school, I used to think: “If I don’t experience high school romance, I’m finished.” But even if I was, so what? As it turned out, the senior schoolmates I met after entering university were far more exceptional than the girls in high school. In the past, I lacked the capacity to grasp good things; I either romanticized the past or daydreamed about the future, even when the past was hardly radiant and the future remained murky. As a junior, I will not let myself drift like this any longer. I am convinced that as long as I work hard, I will encounter someone even more remarkable and well-suited. A real man never lacks a wife!