碎金集 2021 Fortuitous Gold Nuggets 2021 第 03 篇 Section 03
二月 另一个国度来的异乡人 February: A Stranger from Another Realm
返回 碎金集 2021 Back to Fortuitous Gold Nuggets 2021我从羁旅的城市回到父辈生长的家园，一切都好似熟悉的土地，却没有属于我的独立空间。我听不懂家乡的方言，理解不了当地人的思维，我是故乡的访客。
Returning from the city of my sojourn to the homeland where my forebears grew up, everything resembled familiar ground, yet there was no independent space belonging to me. I could not understand the hometown dialect, nor could I comprehend the local mindset; I was merely a visitor to my ancestral home.
童年里第一次回到老家，父亲操起乡音与叔伯们交谈，叔伯们很友善，拍拍我的头，我却悲哀地听不懂他们的乡音，我就这样被故乡放逐了。
Returning to the ancestral home for the first time in childhood, my father broke into dialect to converse with my uncles. The uncles were exceptionally warm, patting my head, yet I sorrowfully could not understand a word of their native tongue; thus was I exiled by my ancestral land.
当我走进记忆，企图打捞回失落的乡愁，才发觉自己是四海漂泊的异乡人。奈保尔说：“我是一个不断在寻找归属的国际人士。”这种人容易被自己的国家看成异化的移民，难以认同；而他所居住的地方又将它视作外来者，难以信任。这是所有移民的悲剧。
When I stepped into memory attempting to dredge up my lost homesickness, I realized that I was a stranger drifting across the four seas. V. S. Naipaul once said: “I am an international person constantly seeking belonging.” Such individuals are easily viewed by their native land as alienated emigrants, hard to identify with; while the place where they reside regards them as outsiders, difficult to trust. This is the tragedy of all who migrate.
孤独就这样毫无预警的造访，在新环境里，一旦感到落寞，就意识到了与这片土地的格格不入。
Loneliness paid its visit without the slightest warning. In an unfamiliar environment, the moment one feels desolate, one becomes acutely aware of being entirely out of place on this soil.
孤独并非一个寻常词汇，也非诗句中描述的那般浪漫。它既不指无所事事，也不指独身一人。当一个人企图辨识自己的存在时，却找不到熟悉的人世羁绊，孤独感便油然而生。
Loneliness is not an ordinary term, nor is it as romantic as verses depict. It signifies neither having nothing to do nor being physically alone. When a person attempts to discern their own existence yet finds not a single familiar worldly bond, a profound sense of solitude wells up spontaneously.
加缪的《局外人》原有另一个译名，即《异乡人》。某种程度上说，这个译名更能体现加缪对存在的探讨。所谓“局外”，其实便是生活之外，心灵之外。当一个人在陌生的城市里能闭着眼睛回忆故乡的小吃、风景、人民时，你只是寂寞，你难以孤独。
Camus’s L’Étranger, known in Chinese as Juwairen (“The Outsider”), has another Chinese title: Yixiangren (“The Stranger from Elsewhere”). To a certain extent, this alternative title better conveys Camus’s exploration of existence. To be “outside” is, in fact, to be outside life and outside the heart. When someone in an unfamiliar city can close their eyes and recall the food, scenery, and people of their hometown, they are merely lonesome; it is hard for them to be truly lonely.
大城市的人们往往深受孤独的困扰。城市是每个人的，又谁都不属。他给五湖四海之士一个安身立命之所，却给予不了一个孤独的人相互靠近的勇气。于是“回”和“去”成为了现代都市人暧昧一生的困顿。
People in metropolitan cities are frequently plagued by loneliness. The city belongs to everyone, yet belongs to no one. It offers people from all walks of life a shelter to make a living, yet cannot provide a lonely soul with the courage to draw close to another. Thus, “returning” and “departing” become the ambiguous lifelong dilemma of modern urbanites.
悲哀的说，当人类得以凭藉网络瞬间抵达天涯海角时，那横贯人类长河数千年可望不可即的故乡情结也随之消解，归属感的缺失再一次赤裸裸地暴露在世人面前。
Sorrowfully speaking, when humankind can instantly reach the ends of the earth via the internet, that yearning for home that ran unreachable across millions of years of human history dissolves with it, laying bare the absence of belonging once again before the eyes of the world.
也许，很长时间里，我会一直作为从另一个国度到来的陌生人，在此处努力寻找安放心灵的家园。
Perhaps, for a long time to come, I will remain a stranger arrived from another realm, striving here to find a homeland where my soul may rest.