光阴集 2024 The Gilded Years 2024 第 13 篇 Section 13
光阴之外 Beyond the Light and Time
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一、春风沉醉的晚上 I. Nights of Intoxicating Spring Breeze
喜欢在梦里构建场景，而这个梦的场景，是我最喜欢最喜欢的……不论是音乐、文学、还是影视，每一种东西都是一种梦的缔造者。
I love constructing scenes within dreams, and this particular dream scene remains my absolute, cherished favorite… Whether through music, literature, or cinema, each is an architect of dreams.
这是一个多么甜美的梦啊，一个人不愿一直待在他那里，却是那么急切，想要摆脱他的皮肤，双眼紧盯时钟的秒针。秒针不停地奔跑着，像在追逐它的影子。
What an exquisitely sweet dream: a soul refusing to linger forever where he was, so impatient, yearning to shed his skin, eyes riveted to the sweeping second hand of the clock. The second hand raced without pause, as though sprinting after its own shadow.
永远心比天高，永远爱而不得，永远是自以为是的牺牲者与受害者。却只知向前，离开这里，向前，一直向前，永远，向前。到达它出发的地方。
Ambitions perpetually higher than the heavens, love perpetually unrequited, perpetually the self-righteous martyr and victim. Yet knowing only to press forward—leaving this place, forward, ever forward, perpetually forward. Returning to the very ground from which it first set out.
坠落身躯，放飞灵魂。春风沉醉的晚上，祭天、祭地、祭春风…..我相信，下一次逍遥决然而飞时，翅膀上一定平添了几分不曾有过的力量，抟扶摇而上者九万里，去以六月息者也…
Casting down the physical vessel, setting the spirit free. On this intoxicating night of spring breeze: libations to the heavens, libations to the earth, libations to the vernal wind… I believe that the next time I take flight in resolute, unfettered freedom, my wings will bear a newfound strength never felt before, spiraling upward on the cyclone ninety thousand li, riding the wind of the sixth month…
二、贪心的光阴 II. Greedy Time
“吾与吾爱皆亡于高塔，君与君心皆留于盛夏。”想问大家一个问题：不想“网恋”，不想委屈她，不想难受自己，怎么办？
初二的时候，我以为可以改变条件一，结果就是那个美好的形象僵化而抽象成一个虚幻的象征。顾影自怜。
高一的时候，我以为可以改变条件二，结果在时间的流逝中爱被挥霍一空，最终难免无疾而终。倾轧轻贱。
高三的时候，我以为可以改变条件三，结果就是在自我的压榨中陶醉，一步步让出所珍视的爱。膏火自煎。
大二的时候，我决定什么都不去改变，结果在不断触碰到双方边界后，因彼此都拒绝负面体验，由爱生厌。
大四的时候，我决定尝试去封心锁爱，结果在长久的寂寞中不再崩溃，却也不再能感受到幸福，因噎作茧。
……
为情所困是我的宿命。我贪心，所以可以遇到更多的爱；却又因为我贪心，所以放不下这些爱。很想知道研一的我会如何回答这个问题。没提到的不是没有遗憾/不值得，只是都没有像这五次这么毫无保留地去爱吧。
“My love and I have perished within the high tower; you and your heart linger forever in high summer.” I want to ask everyone a question: what do you do when you don’t want an “online romance,” don’t want to make her feel slighted, and don’t want to suffer yourself?
In eighth grade, I thought I could alter Condition One; the result was that radiant image ossifying and abstracting into an ethereal symbol. Gazing at my own reflection in self-pity.
In tenth grade, I thought I could alter Condition Two; the result was that across the erosion of time, love was squandered into nothingness, inevitably withering without closure. Mutual abrasion and cheapened affection.
In twelfth grade, I thought I could alter Condition Three; the result was intoxicating myself with self-immolation, surrendering what I treasured step by step. Scorching oil consuming its own wick.
In sophomore year of college, I resolved to alter nothing; the result was that after repeatedly bumping into each other’s boundaries, with neither willing to endure negative friction, love curdled into resentment.
In senior year, I decided to lock up my heart and forsake love; the result was that amid protracted loneliness I stopped breaking down, yet could no longer feel happiness either. Weaving a cocoon out of fear.
…
Being ensnared by passion is my destiny. I am greedy, which allows me to encounter more love; yet precisely because I am greedy, I cannot bear to let that love go. I wonder how the first-year graduate version of me will answer this dilemma. Those left unmentioned are not devoid of regret or unworthy of memory; it is simply that none were loved with the absolute, unreserved abandon of these five times.
三、我的征婚贴 III. My Marriage-Seeking Profile
你好，在这个美好的校园里，我是一个平凡的学子，但心里却有着一份特殊的心愿：找到一个与我相互欣赏、相互陪伴的对象，与之一起分享生活的喜乐与忧伤。
Hello. On this beautiful campus, I am an ordinary student, yet I carry a special wish in my heart: to find a partner with whom I can share mutual appreciation and companionship, savoring the joys and sorrows of daily life together.
或许我们曾经擦肩而过，或许我们还未曾相识，但我相信缘分会将我们牵引到一起。我想在这个熟悉又陌生的校园里，寻找一个真诚相待、热爱生活的伴侣。
Perhaps our paths have crossed in passing, or perhaps we have yet to meet, but I believe serendipity will draw us together. In this campus both familiar and strange, I hope to find a sincere, life-loving partner.
我期望的不仅仅是一段浪漫的校园情缘，更期待能够建立起深厚的感情基础。希望我们可以相互支持，相互理解，在彼此的人生旅途中一同前行。我希望我们能够一起做很多事情，去追求共同的梦想和兴趣爱好。不必担心与我会有不相合的地方，我是一个很不因循守旧的人，我很乐意去了解你认识你。
What I look forward to is not merely a romantic campus relationship, but building a deep emotional foundation. I hope we can support and understand each other, walking side by side on our respective journeys through life. I hope we can do countless things together, pursuing shared dreams and passions. Never worry about friction or incompatibility with me: I am far from conventional, and genuinely excited to explore and understand who you are.
我希望我们能够相伴彼此的喜悦与忧愁，无论是在成功的时刻还是挫折面前，我们都可以为对方提供坚实的后盾和温暖的安慰。并且，无论何时何地，相互尊重和信任都是我们关系中最重要的基石。
I hope we can accompany each other through joy and sorrow; whether at moments of triumph or before trials of adversity, we can provide each other solid backup and tender comfort. Furthermore, wherever and whenever, mutual respect and trust will always stand as the paramount cornerstone of our bond.
“那一年，花开的不是最好，可是还好，我遇见你。”期待着你的出现，愿我们的故事在这片时空里悄然开启。
“That year, the blossoms were not at their peak, but thank goodness, I met you.” Eagerly looking forward to your arrival; may our story softly commence within this slice of time and space.
下面是我的一些基本情况和自我介绍😳：
Below is some basic information and my self-introduction 😳:
南方人，enfj快乐工科大奶狗一枚（真的！相信我！！！），身高185+，外貌衣品很ok，喜欢韩系穿搭，体型适中偏瘦，身体素质很好，平时有在健身，生活作息规律无不良嗜好，是小帅哥，被很多人夸过好看的那种。
Southerner, a happy ENFJ engineering “big puppy-like guy” (really! believe me!!!); height 185cm+; looks and style are very solid; fan of Korean-style fashion; medium-slim build; excellent physical fitness, works out regularly, keeps disciplined hours with zero bad habits; an attractive guy who has been complimented on his looks by many.
性格乐观会享受生活，为人体贴细心，喜欢喷香水，是一个能在生活中寻找美的文艺小青年。平时在家会做饭炒菜、会主动打扫宿舍，被室友誉为“金牌室友”。
Optimistic, knows how to savor life; considerate and observant; enjoys wearing cologne; a literary young fellow who unearths beauty from everyday life. Cooks at home, voluntarily scrubs the dorm room, hailed by roommates as a “Gold-Medal Roommate.”
文艺方面喜欢摄影，文学（现代派外国小说尤甚）。喜欢看文艺、悬疑、科幻类电影，电视剧主要看英美剧，综艺喜欢看韩综，非二次元但偶尔看番，也偶尔看些纪录片什么的。
Culturally and artistically: loves photography and literature (especially modernist foreign fiction). Enjoys arthouse, mystery, and sci-fi cinema; TV shows are mostly British and American series; variety shows tilt toward Korean TV; not part of anime fandom but occasionally watches anime and documentaries.
音乐方面喜欢摇滚和乡村、另类，追kpop，欧美音乐发烧友，喜欢霉霉A妹娅娅，喜欢港台歌手（每年蹲守金曲奖的那种），最近在宿舍里听古典和音乐剧，也喜欢看演唱会。
Musically: loves rock, country, alternative; follows K-pop; enthusiast for European and American music (fan of Taylor Swift, Ariana Grande, Olivia Rodrigo); loves singers from Hong Kong and Taiwan (the kind who camps out for the Golden Melody Awards every year); recently listening to classical music and musical theater in the dorm; loves live concerts.
才艺方面乐器略懂葫芦丝和吉他，喜欢跳kpop舞蹈，唱歌算是制霸ktv的存在。参加过辩论、演讲、主持，最近在学讲相声，对于我不熟悉的领域也会积极去学。
Talents: dabbler in the hulusi (gourd flute) and guitar; loves dancing to K-pop choreo; karaoke dominator at KTV. Has participated in debate, public speaking, and event hosting; currently learning traditional xiangsheng (crosstalk); proactively eager to explore unfamiliar fields.
生活方面喜欢喝点葡萄酒喝点茶（想过一天到晚喝茶的生活！），旅游风格是背上小包到处乱窜，聊聊数码产品和国际政治，玩点游戏（桌游和Steam），寒暑假喜欢钓鱼，桌球也很不错。
Lifestyle: enjoys drinking some wine and tea (longs for a life spent drinking tea all day long!); travel style is slinging on a small backpack and roaming freely; chatting about digital gadgets and international geopolitics; plays some games (board games and Steam); enjoys fishing during breaks; quite decent at pool/billiards.
体育方面喜欢攀岩和滑雪，擅长打羽毛球、篮球、网球，体测宿舍第一（1/3），长跑拿过院奖。擅长国际象棋和围棋，也喜欢斯诺克。
Sports: loves rock climbing and skiing; skilled at badminton, basketball, tennis; ranked 1st in dorm fitness testing (1/3); won a faculty-level award in long-distance running. Proficient in chess and Go; also fond of snooker.
学习方面不卷也不摆烂。打些比赛，目前在各种实验间隙学托福和Gre，连带着炒炒股、写些文字、学学韩语云云。
Academics: neither hyper-competitive nor slacking off. Competes in tournaments, currently studying for TOEFL and GRE in between lab experiments, alongside trading stocks, creative writing, learning Korean, and so forth.
室友描述我是积极上进的量子班优秀小资青年、对每一个捞女都纯爱俗手的虾头海王棋后、自称不缺对象的一米九机电院超级小众大帅哥、在现实中玩梗不招人嫌的山威1/3十佳歌手、电子系马原专业第三的智能车队前外交官、情场遇强则强的温柔被动型Beta年下渣男、102宿舍领户工吏三部尚书的落魄苏高千金
Roommates describe me as: a positive, motivated, outstanding petit-bourgeois youth of the Quantum Class; a cringe Casanova chess queen who falls for gold-diggers with amateurish romantic sincerity; a self-proclaimed guy with no shortage of partners and a 190cm ultra-niche heartthrob of the School of Electromechanical Engineering; a campus 1/3 Top Ten Singer whose use of memes in real life does not annoy people; the third-ranked scholar in Marxist Theory in the Electronics Department and former diplomat of the Smart Car Team; a tender, passive Beta younger cad who rises to the occasion when faced with a strong match in romance; and the impoverished aristocratic heiress of Suzhou High School who serves as Dorm 102’s Minister of Revenue, Works, and Personnel.
我的理想型取向：希望找到一个真诚款女生，最好168+，希望女朋友可以和我一起分享生活中的点点滴滴。
My ideal type: looking for a sincere, genuine girl, ideally 168cm+; hoping she can share every tiny crumb and sparkle of daily life with me.